Rockville Centre Letters to the Editor

Posted

Support from The Compassionate Friends

To the Editor:

Thirty years ago, on the night of Aug. 2, my two oldest children, 21-year-old Denis and 19-year-old Peggy O’Connor, died in a freak car accident on the Loop Parkway coming home from a concert at Jones Beach. Peggy died instantly and Denis died four days later, the day after we buried Peggy.

What do you do after you’ve buried two children in one week? I ran to the library, hoping to learn how to survive! Luckily, every book I read mentioned The Compassionate Friends, a national support group for bereaved parents that I had never heard of.

The rest is history. Fifteen months later, in October 1987, my husband, Joe, and I founded TCF of RVC and became its chapter leaders, never dreaming we’d be welcoming 50 or more bereaved parents each month to a meeting at Molloy College and still be doing this 29 years later. It was really God tapping me on the shoulder, whispering, “I gave you certain gifts, use them.” I had “fire in the belly” to survive, and later became passionate to make sure there was help out there for other bereaved families, since there was nothing there for me when I needed it in 1986.

I share what I learned to cope and survive and have a meaningful life again while giving hope and inspiration to parents who think their life is over. The chapter’s golden reputation brings bereaved moms and dads, couples and singles, from Suffolk, Nassau, Queens and Brooklyn. It also offers a support group for adult siblings (18 and over) who lost brothers or sisters, which meets the same night in the same building, but in a different room, Room 18.

When Victor Frankl was asked how he endured all the sufferings of the Holocaust, he told us the secret, “To have a goal,” and when asked what his goal was, he simply stated, “To tell the world.” And that became my goal — to tell the world about Peggy and Denis, and a new world opened to me through my speaking and writing, locally and nationally, through my signature book, “The Death of a Child,” my columns written for Grief Digest since it launched in 2003, and my work as the first bereavement coordinator for the Diocese of RVC from 1998 to 2010.

Sharing Peggy and Denis with the world gave my life purpose and validated that my children did not die in vain. Sharing my time, talent and treasure with others has been life-giving to me. Blessings came by serving others with great love. I have met God in every single person. Being kind and friendly, being cheerful and upbeat, listening with compassion, having a sense of humor, sharing what I have learned, letting someone know they are not alone — these are the most generous gifts I can share — and best of all, they are the legacy of my Peggy and Denis.

The Compassionate Friends of Rockville Centre meets the second Friday of every month at 8 p.m., in the Wilbur Arts Building, Hays Theatre Meeting Room, at Molloy College in Rockville Centre. For information check their website,

tcfofrvc.org, or call Elaine and Joe at

(516) 766-4682.

Elaine Stillwell

Rockville Centre