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Tuesday, May 24, 2016
Person to Person
Ho-hum ‘good’ marriages
By Linda Sapadin Ph.D.
Linda Sapadin

What happens to a relationship after the honeymoon is over? After the kids arrive? After you know each other so well that you can’t think of anything to say to each other — expect maybe what’s for dinner, what’s happening with the kids or what are we doing this weekend?

Do marriages need to become drab and uninteresting? Is this it? Are you foolish for wanting more? For expecting some excitement, passion, maybe even romance? Or, should you just be grateful that you get along fairly well, count your blessings and stop complaining.

No, you’re not being foolish for wanting more. But you’re not going to get it by just complaining. And you’re certainly not going to get it by blaming your spouse for the dullness in your life. So, what can you do to add some more spice to your married life?

Here are some ideas:
1. Stay interesting
Do you remember what you and your spouse were like when you first met? You must have been interested in each other to be drawn together. Now, you only come alive when you’re around other people. And ditto for your spouse. Make it your mission to become a more interesting person. How do you do that? Bring new ideas, new experiences, new adventures into your life. Share them with your spouse like you’re an excited kid. Then, watch the sparks ignite.

2. Develop common interests
Some couples feel that though they love each other, they don’t have much in common anymore — except, of course, for the kids. Their interests have diverged. What used to be a slender space between the two of you has now become “The Great Divide.” If that’s true for you, what should you do? Here are two approaches. Either develop new interests that you both might enjoy, i.e. let’s take up golf. Or, be open to appreciating (or at least learning about) activities that your spouse enjoys. Change your, “oh that’s not for me,” to “Tell me what you find so fascinating about football.” “What’s appealing to you about jazz?” Don’t close the door on developing mutual interests before you’ve even explored them.


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