November 14, 2012 | 86 views
Of ghouls, goblins and politics
Many have argues that it’s not a coincidence that Halloween and Election Day occur within but a few days of each other in that both involve disguised, often scary individuals going door-to-door promising tricks while demanding treats.
Anyway, this past week my Aunt Zoey, a somewhat mad political scientist, suggested the following, if not monstrous then certainly freaky, ideas for this soon-to-end-only-to-immediately-begin-again political season. “The (S)electoral college” wherein presidential candidates submit completed applications along with letters of recommendation and an essay entitled “Why I Want to be President” to every single college admission officer in the country who thereafter select the winner.
Conduct polls on whether voters lie to pollsters’; change their minds after participating in a poll; or even care about the polls.
Amend the Campaign Finance Law to permit two percent of every presidential campaign treasury to be donated to five charities of the candidate’s choice and then let the public evaluate the candidates on the basis of their selections. (If nothing else at least four percent of the billions collected will go to a good cause.)
To reflect what it really is for all concerned, change the spelling to “campain.”
Ask environmentalists to track and compute how much fuel and energy (not including hot air generated by the candidates) is consumed by candidates during a presidential race.
Place attack ads on the level to which they are trending by allowing them to be placed in restrooms, on garbage bags, and on the bottom of trash cans.
Supplement Pole Watchers with watchers of other ethnic groups.
Empower truant officers to monitor absentee ballots.
Create the “Twenty for the Two by the Two Presidential Debate” during which the two candidates each compose ten questions of their own to ask (and confront) their opponent directly, and then themselves have an opportunity to respond.
In anticipation of the election, ship more playground equipment to “swing” states.
Permit convicted felons to vote so candidates can benefit from the support of experienced politicians.
My Aunt Z submitted these proposals to one hundred friends and neighbors. The results revealed 49 in support, 49 opposed and two undecided, prompting the “Z” to chide them (and so many others who think being “out on a limb” is taking a position) that it’s not always as important to be right as it is to be decisive. (Advice that’s not a trick but a treat!)
© Copyright © 2012 Ron Goldman
Ron Goldman is an attorney in private practice with offices in Cedarhurst and can be reached @ 1-800-846-9013