Remembering Ashley, raising awareness

Inwood native’s death puts a spotlight on domestic violence

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Remembering Ashley McDuffie, highlighting the issue of domestic abuse and raising money to help her two sons were all part of Light Up The Sky For Ashley, a memorial event and fundraiser held at the Five Towns Community Center in Lawrence on Sept. 9.

McDuffie, 27, an Inwood native who graduated from Lawrence High School in 2008, was found dead near Seton Falls Park in the Bronx on Aug. 26, police said, and her boyfriend, Jason Meyers, confessed to killing her.

Nicole Di Iorio, who also grew up in Inwood and started the HardKnox basketball organization in 1999, helped organize and plan the memorial. “People go through this every day, but they just don’t talk about it,” Di Iorio said, referring to domestic abuse. “It’s really about awareness and prevention.”

The $15 admission charge raised money for the cause, and attendees wore purple to show their support for the “fight against domestic violence” and white to “represent Ashley’s pure heart,” as noted on the event’s promotional flier.

Denair Huggins, who describes herself as an advocate and a domestic violence survivor, spoke at the event. Her book “Run for Your Life: From Victim to Victor,” was published in April. “It doesn’t just begin when someone hits — the mindset is already embedded,” Huggins said, adding, “The psychological and mental abuse is far greater than the physical.”

Across the nation, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have been abused by an intimate partner, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. An average of 20 people are physically abused by their partners every minute, which equates to more than 10 million abuse victims each year in the U.S., NCADV reports on its website. Warning signs of an abuser include extreme jealously, possessiveness, unpredictability, bad temper, extremely controlling behavior and verbal abuse, among others.

Locally, the New Horizon Counseling Center, in Valley Stream, deals with the aftermath of domestic abuse of approximately 200 people per month. The center offers services including outpatient, school-based and at-home counseling, help for those with developmental disabilities and chemical dependency programs.

“We’re ready if you’re ready,” said Nitza Hasis, the center’s clinical director, referring to domestic violence victims who come forward seeking help. Financial, cultural, familial, emotional, mental and relationship issues can all contribute to domestic violence, she explained. “As a clinic, we feel, in a way, that we’re limited, because it’s up to the person to reach out,” Hasis added. “The person has to feel ready.”

The Safe Center LI, in Bethpage, was created through a merger of the Nassau County Coalition Against Domestic Violence and the Coalition Against Child Abuse and Neglect. The Safe Center provides a 24-hour hotline, crisis intervention, transitional housing programs, legal advocacy and individual, family and emergency counseling for those of any age.

Another Long Island institution that helps victims is L.I. Against Domestic Violence, in Central Islip. Similar to Safe Center LI, it offers a 24-hour hotline, shelter options, advocacy, counseling, legal services, vocational training, financial guidance and education and prevention help.

“When I tell my story, I don’t tell it in a way that I want people to feel sorry,” Huggins said. “I want people to be aware and educated.”

Have an opinion about domestic violence? Send your letter to the editor to
jbessen@liherald.com.