In tough times, finding a connection

After cancer diagnosis, mom sees Merrick’s true character

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After 12 years in Merrick, Kerri Tannenbaum still didn’t realize how special her community was — until she entered one of the toughest periods of her life.

With a job at Advertising Age in Manhattan, the married mother of two said that she always felt “a little disconnected” from her community, aside from meeting once a month to play Bunco with other moms and the usual interactions having school-age children affords.

“That was probably the extent of it — my kids having school events,” said Tannenbaum. “I’m not an active member of the PTA, and I just didn’t have the time for much of a commitment more than casual acquaintances and small talk.”


In September 2015, Tannenbaum’s life changed when she discovered what felt like a cyst on her right side. A check-up found nothing of concern there. However, what Tannenbaum called “ a blessing in disguise” prompted a more complete exam by her doctor that revealed breast cancer on her left side.

“Then I was pushed into this whole unknown process,” said Tannenbaum. “You don’t know what you don’t know. It’s this new world.”

After months of meeting with breast and plastic surgeons, Tannenbaum underwent a successful operation, and during her seven-week recovery period, she said, the Merrick community’s true character revealed itself.

“The moms in Merrick … they cooked for me for like three weeks, and eventually I had to ask them to stop because it was just too much and I was starting to feel better,” she said.

However, Tannenbaum’s surgery revealed that her cancer was more invasive than initially thought and, soon after recovering, she began chemotherapy on Jan. 20, 2016.

“Everything felt like curveballs being thrown at me constantly,” she said. “It’s one of those things nobody can prepare you for. You’re kind of on your own, piecing things together. It’s a pretty overwhelming process.”

Led by Tannenbaum’s friend Tara Hofmayer, a group of 30 Merrick moms “kicked into gear,” using the online platform Meal Train to make sure that Tannenbaum and her family had a different meal every night — for a full 13 weeks.

Tannenbaum became emotional, in an interview last week, describing how “taken aback” she was by the level of support she found in friends she didn’t even know she had.

“Overwhelming is the best way that I can put it,” she said. “I was friendly with them, but this was not my inner circle … and it wasn’t just the Meal Train — I would open my door and find a gift card to a local restaurant or there would be flowers there. Nothing can prepare you for that.”

Hofmayer said, on Tuesday, that the Meal Train was not the first she and other Merrick moms organized.

“Everyone stepped up immediately; no one blinked an eye,” she said. “I think everyone’s thought was to try to keep home life as normal as possible [for the Tannenbaums].”

The support Tannenbaum got from all corners of the Merrick community allowed her to focus on getting well and maintaining a sense of normalcy while she trudged through the chemo, she said. One woman, diagnosed with ovarian cancer, gave Tannenbaum tips throughout the process and kept her stocked with electrolyte water drinks, as well as meals.

Now, almost two years after her diagnosis and cancer-free, Tannenbaum said that she looks for ways to pay forward the kindness she found in Merrick.

She regularly checks in with another local mom recently diagnosed with something “similar” to her cancer and is planning to start a Meal Train for another woman with Stage 4 lung cancer and children at a local elementary school.

“This has given me insights, things I never would have known to do,” said Tannenbaum. “I’ve been connected to other patients in the area and we have our own little network. It’s very informal, but once you find out about the other people, you have that automatic connection. There’s no stigma here.”

Tannenbaum also started a blog, and shared with the Herald a piece that she said she hopes can be of use to anyone not sure what to do to help someone recently diagnosed [see box].

And for patients like herself, Tannenbaum said that the Merrick community had reminded her that people tend to step up in the toughest of times, and that there’s no shame in embracing that help.

“Cancer is equal opportunity, so let people do something to help take that burden off you and your family,” she said.