Parenting in the internet era

Facebook, Snapchat, Twitch and YouTube, parents these days have to navigate the minefield of technology when raising their kids, who thanks to the internet have a near infinite host of information at their fingertips.

To help parents in this largely unmapped frontier of adolescence that has been ushered in, at least in part, by this new technology, Madraigos, a Woodmere-based nonprofit that offers a variety of services and programs that aim to help teenagers and young adults, held their second Parenting Matters program at Congregation Beth Sholom in Lawrence on April 19.

The theme was, “Parenting, Then and Now,” the previous program was “Be the Parent Your Child Craves.” The first event drew more than 450 attendees according to Madraigos, and over 10,000 people watched the presentation on social media. An official attendance wasn’t taken for this event, but there were 400 chairs set out, most were filled and there was also a crowd of people standing at the back near the refreshments.

“Madraigos was originally started for intervention purposes,” said Mindi Werblowsky, the organization’s clinical director. “Over the years Madraigos has branched out into prevention, as opposed to waiting until the kids are at risk to treat them, we could get to them before they’re at risk.”

The event featured Rabbi Berel Wein and Dr. David Pelcovitz. Wein, an expert in the history of the Jewish people spoke about the differences in raising children now and when he was growing up in Chicago in the 1940s. Pelcovitz holds the Gwendolyn and Joseph Straus Chair in Psychology and Jewish Education at the Azrieli Graduate School of Jewish Education and Administration of Yeshiva University; he focused on some of the ways that parents can have a productive relationship with their child.

“Even as they’re younger and just growing into that teen phase it’s always fun and different,” said Rena Kutner, a marriage and family therapist who runs the parents support group at Madraigos. “Especially this generation … We see a running theme with parents, ‘Why don’t our kids listen to us the way we listened to our parents,’ as well as ‘I can’t get my kid to talk to me because of the electronics.’”

The changes that have occurred across the Jewish population in America were a recurring topic of Wein’s speech, he explained how most Jewish people he knew growing up were impoverished. While making it clear that he does not long for those days, he said how wealth brings it’s own challenges for raising children, “After struggling many people said my child should have what I didn’t,” he said. “But they neglect to give them what they did have.”

Pelcovitz focused on advice for parents. He notes one lesson he learned from his father was to learn to recognize every child’s uniqueness, adding that studies show that the longer siblings live under the same roof the more different they become.

He also touched on the idea that some parents may be projecting their ambitions onto their children. “If your thoughts about your child are about having them achieve your dreams,” he said. “It’s like taking a watering can and watering a plot of land with no seed.”

Cogent communication between parents that is dispensed to the children is key. “Couples don’t have to think alike,” Pelcovitz said. “They have to think together.”

Chaim Levine, a Cedarhurst resident, said he is planning to use the advice. He has four children age two through six, “There are a lot of young parents in the community,” he said. “What I’m trying to do is load up on as much parenting advice as possible before I get into the problem areas. Even if this doesn’t apply to me yet, I’m trying to beat the odds.”

Setting limits was the core point for Woodmere resident Tzila Schulman. “Today the are begging for limits,” she said. “We’re not giving them enough of them. My kids are all married so I want to help them raise my grandkids.”

Cedarhurst resident Justin Cohen, said that his oldest son had been in the Madraigos program, and it helped him a lot. His children are now adults, and like Schulman hopes he pass on the advice to his grandchildren. “This is more so I can help with my grandkids,” he said. “Setting limits is important, especially with the internet, but it’s very hard.”

For more on Madraigos, go to madraigos.org or facebook.com/madraigos.