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Overcast Understanding the bullies, their victims and the bystanders
West Hempstead SEPTA seminar sheds light on the topic
“Conflict is normal,” the social worker said as she opened up her presentation on bullying at the Cornwell Avenue School last Wednesday. “None of us get through life without experiencing conflict.”
This was a good point to remember as the social worker, Renee Haber, got into the specifics of how to handle the gut-wrenching problems surrounding bullying, a issue affecting millions of children and their families across the country. Haber, who is from the Child Abuse Prevention Services on Long Island, was invited to speak at the West Hempstead Special Education Parent Teacher Association’s monthly meeting, but her talk could have been applicable to any parent with a child in any social situation.
“The first step in evaluating bullying is being able to tell the difference between it and teasing,” Haber said. Bullying is often one-sided, based on an imbalance of power, and does not stop when someone becomes upset, she said.
“It can start out like teasing and escalate into bullying. Sometimes bullying happens in the context of a friendship and that’s confusing,” said Haber. Some of her tips on helping children mitigate that situation were to encourage the child to tell the teaser that his words hurt him and to please stop. If there is a friendship there, the teasing will stop.
One of the more interesting points in Haber’s presentation is the hidden power of the bystander in bullying situations. According to statistics Haber cited from the Ophelia Project, 70 – 80 percent of children are bystanders and only intervene in bullying situations roughly 15 percent of the time, but have a very high success rate when they do. “The truth is – that’s where the power lies,” said Haber. “If we could get those kids to stand up to the other kids, that’s really powerful. “If you really want to deal with bullying effectively, this is a good source to tap. When I talk to kids, I like to explain this to them.”
