Growth and Change

Perfect for ringing in the New Year, it started with a discussion of the fictional characters in a streaming service's sitcom.

"I hated this season," my son complained, "No one changes. No one learns. No one grows."

He was right, every character got close to making a significant change in his/her life and then, like an invisible string, got pulled back into the same situations, the same rut. It was as if nothing could move forward, most significantly the plot.

He had deliberately waited until I had seen all the episodes before our discussion and my take was very different. I had to admit that I cried a little, gasped in all the right places and kept rooting for each person to make a break for it. But I didn't despair as I applied the filter of "real life" to each scene. And when he saw "no growth" as inevitable, I kept hoping, like in real life, the personalities might see their chance — and change.

I hate change but I'd hate my world a whole lot more if I didn't. I actually fear remaining stagnant and I agonize and sympathize with those I know are afraid, those who can be great and do even greater things if they would only get out of their own way and grow.

And while entertaining programs and stories are one thing, when it comes to reality we are first and foremost responsible for our actions and ourselves. Therefore, imposing my invisible yardstick that measures growth on my terms for others is admittedly very unfair. So when those I care about test my understanding as to what they can and can't ever be, I will try to remember to accept them for who they are. It isn't about what I expect of them, it's what they want for themselves.

Or to paraphrase the serenity prayer, ". . . accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." 

A contributing writer to the Herald since 2012, Lauren Lev is an East Meadow resident and a direct marketing/advertising executive who teaches advertising and marketing communications courses at the Fashion Institute of Technology/SUNY, LIU Post and SUNY Old Westbury.