Welcoming home your freshman

while your instinct might be to recreate family traditions exactly as they were before, this summer presents an opportunity to develop new ways of connecting that honor your student’s developing adulthood.”

As college dorm rooms empty across the nation, millions of parents are preparing for a significant homecoming. Your freshman is returning — perhaps changed, certainly tired, and undoubtedly with more laundry than you thought humanly possible. This transition marks the beginning of a new chapter in your family story, one that requires delicate navigation, open communication, and occasional deep breaths as you adjust to your evolving relationship.

The transformation that occurs during college’s freshman year is nothing short of remarkable. The timid student who needed reminders about deadlines may return with strong opinions about political systems you’ve never discussed. The picky eater might come home raving about kimchi or curry. The once-shy teenager might stride through your door with newfound confidence and independence. Your child has spent months making independent decisions, forming new social circles, and discovering aspects of themselves that may surprise you — and them.

What parents sometimes fail to acknowledge is that we’ve changed, too. We’ve adjusted to quieter evenings, reclaimed bathroom counter space, and perhaps discovered new routines or even aspects of our identities that had been subsumed by active parenting. Your student’s return disrupts not just their new normal, but yours as well.

The first summer home represents uncharted territory for both generations. Your student has grown accustomed to complete autonomy — deciding when to eat, sleep, study and socialize without consultation or explanation. Meanwhile, you’ve maintained a household with certain rhythms and expectations. Within the first few days of your college student’s homecoming, have a detailed conversation with them about expectations to prevent misunderstandings.

What routines did they develop at college? What do they need to feel comfortable at home? How will household responsibilities be shared? This opens the door to compromise rather than confrontation.

For many freshmen, college is their first opportunity to define themselves beyond their family context or high school reputation. They’ve experimented with new identities, beliefs and social circles. Coming home can feel like stepping backward, especially if you still see them as the person they were before they left.

This identity navigation works both ways. Your student may struggle to integrate their college self with their home self. They might seem different with college friends than with family. They might challenge family traditions or political views that once went unquestioned. These explorations, while sometimes uncomfortable, represent healthy development and should be met with curiosity rather than defensiveness.

Don’t be surprised if your student spends the first week home sleeping extraordinary hours, eating everything in sight, or displaying emotional volatility. Freshman year is physically and emotionally exhausting — particularly its conclusion, with final exams, packing and goodbyes to new friends. The transition home often reveals the school year’s toll. Students maintain a frantic pace during the semester, running on adrenaline and caffeine. When they finally reach the safety of home, their bodies and minds demand recovery time. Parents should view excessive sleeping or emotional sensitivity as necessary healing, not regression or laziness.

The social landscape for your adult child has likely shifted dramatically as well. High school friendships that once seemed permanent may have drifted. New romantic relationships may have formed. Your student might spend little time at home as they reconnect with local friends or process the changes in these relationships. Alternatively, they might seem isolated if their primary social connections now exist at school. Both scenarios require your patience and understanding.

And while your instinct might be to recreate family traditions exactly as they were before, this summer presents an opportunity to develop new ways of connecting that honor your student’s developing adulthood. Ask them to teach you about their newfound passions. Take them to places that were once off-limits — a sophisticated restaurant, an art exhibit — that signal your recognition of their maturation. When they share stories about college experiences, practice active listening without immediately offering advice. Questions like, “How did you handle that?” communicate respect for their problem-solving abilities and invite deeper conversation.

There’s a poignant truth most parents discover during this first post-college summer: Each homecoming from now on will be temporary. Your child’s primary residence increasingly exists elsewhere — in dorms, apartments and, eventually, their own home. The full nest you’ll experience this summer will empty again, with each cycle of departure becoming more permanent.

This realization, while sometimes painful, also brings opportunity. The time-limited nature of these summers encourages making the most of the moments you share. Rather than focusing on the inevitable goodbye at summer’s end, embrace the gift of time together, even if it seems fleeting.

What awaits in these summer months is a delicate dance of holding close and letting go — a choreography that, when performed with grace, becomes the foundation for a relationship that will sustain you both long after the last box is packed for sophomore year.