My brother Kevin recently passed away. Death is a reality each family must confront. There’s no denying death’s heartbreaking impact on family and friends. But it’s important we take the opportunity to celebrate the life of the family member and friend we lost.
My experiences with death growing up were as a Catholic altar boy assisting at funeral masses. The priest wore black vestments. The music and hymns were beyond somber. “Dies Irae,” an essential prayer at the Requiem Mass, was a Latin term depicting Judgment Day as the “Day of Wrath.” From my recollection, the funeral service was far from uplifting.
All that would change during the reforms emanating from the Vatican Council of the early and mid-1960’s, symbolized by the Requiem Mass, now called a “Celebration of Life,” were white priests’ vestments being substituted for black and “Dies Irae” being discarded.
Kevin, whose death followed almost two years of suffering from a debilitating, rare form of blood cancer, did have his life celebrated by family and friends. Kevin was my younger brother but, as he always reminded me, a better athlete. A mediocre student in high school, he emerged at St. John’s University, graduating with honors and going on to enjoy an extremely successful career working for an industrial parts company with national and international operations, allowing Kevin to comfortably retire at a much younger age than I did.
Most important, Kevin was dedicated to his family — his wife JoAnne with whom he celebrated a 50th wedding anniversary last summer; his children Tara and Kevin; and his grandchildren K.J., Sienna and Camryn. Kevin was also a Mets fan who not only had season tickets but also would attend Mets spring training games at Port St. Lucie, Florida.
Kevin was similar to our father being intensely loyal and never resentful or jealous of anyone. So long as his family was doing well and was healthy, that was more than enough for him. Also emulating our father, Kevin never once complained or bemoaned his fate during more than 18 months of devastating illness, which he knew was bound to be terminal. He would speak to me matter-of-factly: “I might not make it this time, but you never know,” before telling me “K.J. went 4-4 the other night and threw out a guy trying to steal” or “Sienna is really getting good at soccer.” Our conversations always ended upbeat. Kevin was particularly thankful to our sister Barbara, a retired nurse, who was supporting and advocating for him continually throughout his illness.
In the last conversation I had with Kevin just six days before he died, he reminded me of a Mets dinner we attended in 2016 when Mets first baseman Lucas Duda and Islanders great Bobby Nystrom were at our table. Days later, Kevin was brought from Plainview Hospital, where he had received such outstanding care, to his home in Seaford, where he passed away peacefully.
Kevin’s wake at Schmitt Funeral Home was indeed a celebration.
Family members, including cousins we hadn’t seen in a while, were there. So too were local officials, including County Executive Bruce Blakeman, Chairman Joe Cairo and congressmen Nick LaLota and Tom Suozzi, labor leader Anthony Simon and All-American Notre Dame quarterback Terry Hanratty. Though Kevin was not a member of either of their parishes, Monsignor Steve Camp from St. Patrick in Huntington and Fr. Joe Fitzgerald from St. William in Seaford came by to offer their uplifting celebratory condolences. Then there were the neighbors and people he worked with over the years sharing their memories of Kevin’s thoughtfulness and loyalty. Most moving was the outstanding, heartfelt speech given by his son Kevin.
The Celebration of Life Mass at Maria Regina Church the next morning was indeed a fitting finale to Kevin’s life, as were the patriotic musical renditions by the Nassau Police Pipe Band before and after the Mass and the dignified carrying of his flag-draped coffin by members of the NYPD Ceremonial Unit, which had been formed by our father more than a half-century ago. The final sendoff was a moving Honor Guard ceremony, which included the playing of taps by the 11th New York Regiment United States Volunteers-America at St. Charles Cemetery.
In true Irish tradition, our celebration of Kevin’s life continued through the afternoon at Paddy’s Loft Pub! Kevin R.I.P.
Peter King is a former congressman, and a former chair of the House Committee on Homeland Security. Comments? pking@ liherald.com.