This local author penned a powerful memoir

Edward T. Byrne’s powerful new memoir, “In Whom I Am Well Pleased,” recounts his grief as a Rockville Centre father who in an instant is forced to confront what can only be described as “a parent’s worst nightmare” — the loss of child to suicide.

Byrne, 72, weaves together two narrative threads, about his son Matthew’s journey, growing up as an all-American boy on Long Island, and his subsequent descent, as post-traumatic stress from his dream job as a New York City firefighter sends him spiraling toward substance abuse, depression and eventually to the point of taking his own life.

“You’re definitely shell-shocked in the wake of something like this,” Byrne recalled of the aftermath of that devastating day in August 2014.

Byrne said that he began writing the memoir after two years of trying to help his family through their grief. His priority became “getting them off the ash heap,” particularly his wife and daughter, who were at home when Matthew died there.

“I probably didn’t touch this until 2016,” Byrne told the Herald. “I made up my mind that it was probably worthwhile to do.”

The book would take Byrne until 2018 to complete, as he tackled the complexity of his son’s mental health, post-traumatic stress and addiction head on, learning more about him, and the thoughts that had haunted him for years that had never come to light. The book isn’t intended to cast blame on anyone, but it acknowledges that there were signs that Byrne now believes were “not taken seriously enough.”

“It was a tough book to write,” he said. “It’s a tough book to read. Hopefully it was worth the effort. Time makes a difference. It doesn’t let you get over (the loss), but it lets you get past it.”

Matthew Byrne was a 2002 graduate of Bowdoin College who spent his summers as a lifeguard at Jones Beach. The attacks on Lower Manhattan on Sept. 11, 2001, during his senior year, sparked a passion in him that led him to join the ranks of New York’s Bravest. In 2006, he achieved his dream of becoming a New York City firefighter.

His service was marked by both heroism and heartbreak. He responded to a seven-alarm fire at Deutsche Bank in 2007, an inferno that claimed two of his fellow FDNY firefighters and left 155 injured. He also experienced profound grief after a car ran over two young children in Chinatown, where he was stationed. In their final moments, he held them in his arms. These experiences left him with invisible scars.

His father said that in writing the book, he learned more about what had been haunting Matthew for years that had never come to light. When he got hurt on the job, he was prescribed opioids to help with the pain, and became addicted to them.

Post-traumatic stress, addiction and depression were unwanted companions in Matthew’s life, which ultimately led to his resignation from the FDNY in February 2014. He began the work of regaining control of his life, with the unwavering support of his parents and four siblings. That, apparently, was not enough, and on Aug. 24, 2014, Matthew died from suicide. He was 34.

In his memory, his Jones Beach colleagues held a memorial paddle-out a week later, with his family and friends. It was a fitting tribute to a man who had dedicated so many of his summers to watching over others in the ocean.

In the memoir, Edward Byrne was determined to address his son’s suicide truthfully and openly. He explained that the story serves as both a “cautionary tale” and as a “wake-up call” about the ongoing mental health crisis in the United States.

“This can happen to anybody,” Byrne emphasized. “There are underlying conditions that you might not be catching or appreciating. You need to be on top of your game.”

He said that while in some sense the writing process was cathartic, he felt it was important not to shy away from some of the negatives. As he wrote, he said, he noticed how some friends vanished — “Maybe they think sorrow is contagious” — while others unexpectedly stepped forward.

“First you’re kind of pissed off at them,” he said. “Then you realize they just can’t handle it, and some people are better equipped for that than others.”

By sharing all the details, good and bad, Byrne hopes that the story will help others by breaking the stigma attached to mental health issues and suicide, so that others reading the book, who might be living through a similar experience, will understand that there is nothing to be ashamed of, and perhaps will be moved to seek help.

Now, 10 years after Matthew’s death, his father hopes that his book can reach parents in communities like Rockville Centre and beyond, to give families the heads-up they may need to avoid similar loss, to help them better understand mental health issues, and to help them find the strength to survive tragedy.

“Rockville Centre parents I think are very much of this mindset that ‘It can’t happen to us,’” Byrne said. “And yet it did, and very quickly. Despite our best efforts along the way.”

The impact is already resonating throughout the community, including the RVC Moms Facebook group, Chaminade High School’s senior religion class, and fire department counseling programs.

In addition to his newfound career as an author, Byrne is an attorney with 45 years of experience in construction law. He is a graduate of Bowdoin College and Columbia Law School. His first novel, “Love’s Not Over ’Til It’s Over,” is a Vietnam-era family drama published in 2017, after what he refers to as “a very long gestation period.”

He continues to keep a law office in Rockville Centre, and now lives in Long Beach, in a home that his family rebuilt after Hurricane Sandy.

In the memoir, Byrne transforms his family’s tragedy into a beacon of hope and awareness for others, to remind readers that by sharing our darkest moments, we may help others who are working to find their way through darkness of their own.

For more about the author visit EdwardTByrne.com. His book, “In Whom I Am Well Pleased” is available for purchase on Amazon and digital booksellers.