Randi Kreiss

The court makes it official: Words can kill

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Three years ago next month, an 18-year-old Massachusetts boy drove himself to a Kmart parking lot and hooked up a pump that released carbon monoxide into the cab of his truck. At one point, he had second thoughts about killing himself, but when he stepped out of the vehicle, his girlfriend, who was miles away on her cellphone, told him to “get back in.” He died of carbon monoxide poisoning and was found the next morning.

Last week, the young woman, Michelle Carter, who was 17 at the time of her boyfriend’s death, was convicted of involuntary manslaughter by a judge who said her texts and conversations caused the death of Conrad Roy III.

According to reporting in The New York Times, legal scholars were shocked by the nonjury verdict; most were predicting an acquittal. After all, the boy had a history of depression, and the decision to end his life was his own. The girl wasn’t even at the scene.

But the judge saw it differently. He said that what Carter did, by sending Roy barrages of texts urging him to kill himself, wasn’t just morally reprehensible but illegal. Scholars will debate the issue, but the decision stands as a stark caution against the irresponsible use of social media.

The story hit home because a friend recently confided that her daughter — let’s call her Mindy — won’t return to the sleep-away camp she has loved for four years because one of the girls in her bunk has been bullying her on Facebook. The girl posts comments suggesting that other girls don’t like Mindy, think she talks too much, hate the smell of her hair gel — endless public shaming and criticism that led Mindy to give up her summer plans.

Her parents feel angry and helpless. They contacted the camp, which, of course, assured them that it would monitor the situation. But we all know that the bully can make Mindy’s life miserable in a million small ways. No one ever taught the offender to use her texts mindfully, kindly and carefully. She just blasts out mean thoughts as they occur to her, unfiltered, brain to finger to Facebook to victim.

Words can be weaponized. Think about Shakespeare’s Othello. Iago poisoned his mind and heart against Desdemona, using lies and distortions to ignite his jealousy.

We have a president whose reckless use of Twitter is collapsing his own administration around him — all with ill-chosen words, nasty threats, boastful lies and character assassination.

Verbal abuse is abuse. The proper use of social media should begin with toilet training and never stop. It should be discussed around the dinner table, in schoolrooms, at religious schools and in business environments.

Words are too powerful to let loose at a whim, too hurtful to toss into the public arena without knowing how they will be heard. Before a child has a cellphone or access to the internet, he or she should be educated about how to use social media appropriately.

Anyone who doubts that words alone can have devastating consequences should read the story of Conrad Roy and Michelle Carter. Did he really want to die that day? Did she ever imagine she might land in jail for 20 years?

If I had young kids, Social Media 101 would be just the beginning of educating them about the potential of mean-spirited messaging and, conversely, the life-affirming art of using words to support friends and loved ones, publicly and privately.

When they became teens, my advice would be: Don’t drink and drive, use a condom if you’re having sex, don’t dive headlong into an unfamiliar lake, and learn how to use social media responsibly. If you see something, like a friend in the throes of depression, say something to people who can step in and help.

The case of Conrad Roy and Michelle Carter has Shakespearean elements. Like Iago, Carter whispered poisonous thoughts in her boyfriend’s ear, in this case pushing him to take his own life. As in most of Shakespeare, when the curtain fell on the story, there were bodies strewn across the stage, literally and figuratively. Roy was dead, Carter was facing 20 years in prison, and the parents on both sides were collapsed in a heap of unrelenting grief.

Copyright © 2017 Randi Kreiss. Randi can be reached at randik3@aol.com.