Name it!

It’s tough to deal with traumatic events but usually it’s easy to name what happened. A war injury: “My husband returned from Iraq minus his legs and his spirit. What a trauma for him and for our whole family!”

A sudden death: “My kid brother died at age 13. A car hit him as he was biking home from school. He was here in the morning, gone forever by the afternoon. It’s been 20 years and I still miss him everyday.”

A debilitating disease: I was a dancer until I was diagnosed with Multiple sclerosis. What a blow! My whole life was shot to pieces.

When such unexpected tragedies plop on your doorstep, you realize that things will never be the same. Though it doesn’t take away the pain, you appreciate that people are there for you. You’re able to share your grief. You’re able to turn to others for comfort, understanding and support. With this support, you’re able to gaze into the face of despair and triumph over it.

But what happens when there’s a secret trauma? Something that you don’t understand. You have no words to articulate what happened. Yet, clearly something’s not right. It’s not a death. It’s not an illness. It’s not necessarily anything that suddenly happened. Indeed, it may have gone on for years. So, how could it be traumatic? And yet, it was.

Often it’s a long struggle to root out the secret trauma. What is it? What could it be? Am I crazy even thinking there is something? Should I just let it go, since whatever it was happened long ago? But I can’t let it go for its dark pull rears its ugly head when least expected.

This kind of trauma needs to be understood. And needs to be named. By naming it, you scoop it out of the darkness and shine light on it. By naming it, you gain an understanding of what your experience was and is. By naming it, you develop respect for your struggle.

What kinds of trauma am I speaking of?