Raising your royal highness

His Royal Highness, Prince George of Cambridge, has arrived. Though he’s just a newborn baby, he’s still a prince and will be treated royally. This is a blessing and, at times, I’m sure he will consider it a curse.

Why? Because though much will be given to him, much will be expected of him. Especially, how to comport himself. He will be raised as royalty, brought up to graciously assume the duties, responsibilities and obligations of a future King of England.

Though he is a prince, he will not be allowed to do anything he wants. He will not have servants doing for him what he can do for himself. He will not get everything he wants just because he wants it. In short, as a prince he will not be raised to be a “spoiled rotten brat.”

Contrast that with the typical upbringing of many American kids who are treated as royalty from the day they are born. They are thought of as “special.” They are treated as “exceptional.” They are catered to as “princes and princesses.”

What they “need” takes precedence. What they “feel” reigns supreme. What they “desire” becomes paramount. Which all sounds good — until you remember that there are other people in the family, other people in the world, who also have needs, feelings and desires that may conflict with what your “prince” desires.

Raising your kid as a prince by giving him everything he wants is the antithesis of raising a princely kid. How do you know if you’re doing too much for your child? Here are three scenarios that may make you blush:

If you’re constantly begging your child to take care of his own responsibilities, you’re not raising royalty. When you spend 20 minutes every evening begging your 8 year old son to “puleeze” take a bath, then, exhausted you resort to bribing him to get in the tub, something’s wrong.

If you’ve become a servant to your “princess,” doing for her what she’s perfectly capable of doing for herself, you’re not raising royalty. When your 9 year old daughter drops her fork, then complains that she “has no fork,” do you run into the kitchen to get her a new one? If so, something’s wrong.

If you spend the better part of your day doing stuff to gain the approval of your “royal” offspring, while he doesn’t much care if he’s earning your approval, you’re not raising royalty. When your 10 year old son is bored, complaining that there’s nothing to do (despite having an abundance of toys, games and digital gizmos) do you feel guilty that you’re not keeping him entertained 24/7? If so, something’s wrong.

Some royalty, like the imperial offspring of the Ming dynasty, were noted for taking self-gratification to an extreme. “What I want is what I want. Provide me with it or you’re off to the dungeon.” But today’s royalty, including His Royal Highness Prince George of Cambridge, are raised to be responsible, accountable, trustworthy, duty-bound, well functioning people. Don’t you wish that for your child as well?

So, if you’ve got the financial wherewithal to indulge your offspring with royal accoutrements and princely experiences, go ahead and do so. But don’t forget that the most important aspect of raising a child is making sure he grows up to be a caring, competent, compassionate person who will be a well-functioning adult.

Neglect this aspect of child rearing and don’t be surprised if your kid is 40 years old, back home in his old bedroom, sleeping till noon, getting high and still blaming you for all his problems.

©2013 Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice that works with individuals, families and couples to help them overcome self-defeating patterns of behavior. Contact her at DrSapadin@aol.com. Visit her website at www.PsychWisdom.com