Wordiness - How much is too much?

When they do their job well, words promote understanding. When they do their job poorly, they promote not only misunderstanding but also confusion and conflict. Could there be a better reason for us to be more cognizant of our speech patterns?

Most of us never give a second thought to how we speak. We just do. Though you may pride yourself on rarely resorting to gutter language or never making grammatical gaffes, that’s about the extent to which most of us ponder our use of language.  

Sure, we joke about an ex-President who expresses his concern for education by inquiring, “Is our children learning?” But, seldom do we monitor whether our own speech patterns are doing as an effective job as we’d like.

When 3-year-old Ezra wants to tell his parents how much he loves his new book, he might blurt out, “Frog and Toad is the bestest book ever.” Though his word choice is not yet refined, his ability to communicate his joy is fully realized.

When a CEO tells us “The continuing rugged appeal for our product and the improving trends in burgeoning demands in emerging countries give us reason to believe that we will expect a flourishing market with significant growth in revenues and  earnings,“ we shake our heads and wonder, what did he say? Even if we can figure out what he said, should we believe him? Or should we be suspect, knowing that an abundance of words often conceals more than it reveals.  

Mark Twain advocated for “the use of simple language, short words and brief sentences.” Little kids are better at this than many adults who believe that the fuller the explanation, the more praiseworthy the communication. Sometimes true, but not always.

We all know someone who speaks with excessive details about their day, their ordeal, their operation. But are people appreciative of all those details? Rarely. It usually makes others feel impatient, annoyed or sorry they asked. They’re thinking it’s rude to hog the floor, go on and on and not notice that they’ve lost the other person’s attention.

Mark Twain also advised “not to let fluff, flowers and verbosity creep in” to your language. But what if you’re a fluffy, flowery, verbose person? Are you just supposed to shut up and reduce your verbosity to Twitter talk? Isn’t it bad enough to be told to eat fat-free food? Must we also have fat-free communication?

The answer:  it depends. If a friend who is into baking asks you how you made the delicious cake you served, share the details with her. But if your friend has not turned on her oven in two years, do yourself a favor and simply tell her that you found a great recipe online.

Most people believe that communication is what you say. It’s not. It’s what the other person perceives you said.  Hence, if your baking friend is delighted with the details, you’ve communicated well. If you express yourself the exact same way to your oven-shy friend, you’ve communicated poorly. She’s not interested. Why go into all the details?  If you’re in doubt, watch her eyes. If they’re wandering or closing, time for you to segue into another topic.

If someone has no interest in what you’re saying, or has difficulty following what you’re saying, they’ll lose interest not only in what you say but, ultimately, in who you are.

Don’t let that happen to you.

©2011

 Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist and success coach who specializes in helping people enrich their lives, enhance their relationships and overcome self-defeating patterns. Contact her at lsapadin@drsapadin.com or visit her website at www.PsychWisdom.com.  If procrastination is impeding you from reaching your goals, there is help! Visit  www.BeatProcrastinationCoach.com. There you will discover an E-Learning Program to help you develop the skills and strategies to conquer your procrastination.