Go ahead, ask him about his ’stache

Some may argue growing a mustache really is no big deal. However, I believe that the mustache is the heaviest of all facial hair. There is no beard to draw the eye’s attention and unless you have an eye-patch or some distinguishing facial features, ninety percent of the population will stare at the awkward fuzzy upper lip hair struggling to take a foothold in the normally bare expanse of the upper lip. I have a few examples from my own personal mustache growing experiences that scientifically prove this point.

Mustaches For Kids is a national, volunteer-run organization. Each year, participants, or “growers,” raise money by growing mustaches. They solicit donations from friends, family, co-workers, and people in the community.

The Long Island Chapter of Mustaches For Kids, based out of Long Beach, has started its sixth growing season this year. Over the past five years, our chapter has raised more than $195,000 for the Pediatric Cancer Care Center at Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center.

First of all, the mustache itself carries weight. Each morning when I wake up from my slumber and brush my teeth, I must use fourteen percent more effort to raise my upper lip to make sure I can keep my teeth clean. In the wee hours of the morning, that extra 14 percent of effort required takes its toll. Not only is it harder to do everyday things like brushing teeth, but I have noticed the mustache affects my aerodynamics.

While I don’t break six minutes in my mile at the moment, I look like I could. I am pretty sure the mustache has added four miles per hour to my slap shot when I play ice hockey, but takes half a mile per hour away from my skating speed. My mustache also allows me to state important ideas, observations I have made and when I am pondering I can scrunch it, wiggle it or itch it. I am positive it adds weight to my words and wisdom. For a teacher, this is a great advantage.

The physical portion of the mustache aside, the greatest thing about growing a mustache over these few too short weeks is the pin we all wear, “Ask me about my mustache.”

When growers gather, we exchange ‘stache stories and a lot of great stories stem from these questions. The most awkward questions come in the first week.

Week 1:

“So … what mustache?”