How do you know?

"Love is the most unnatural thing in the world."

Yeah, you heard me.

Ok, so I wasn't the one who said that. It was said TO me recently during a lunch with a well, let's call him a more mature, friend (really a mentor) of mine. How much more mature? Well, let's just say he's been married longer than I've been alive and leave it at that.

Now, he didn't say it to me to deter me or turn me off from the idea of marriage. After all, any of us would be lucky to have a wedding ring on a finger for as long as he has. His objective in telling me that was more to remind me of how fickle and challenging relationships can be, especially for those of us around my age (the tender age of just 27).

And as time has gone on over the years, I've found that his recent comment to me is entirely accurate. In principle, that is. Yes, love and relationships are hard, and can be frustrating. You’ve got to work at them.

But (yes, there's a but; there better be a "but," right?), I choose to believe that it's all worth it. His marriage, and countless others that don't get the lip service they deserve, are living proof of that. I once heard someone say "anything worth having is worth working for." If you want the great relationship, the great feelings, and the great moments that come along with it, you've got to put in the work.

And that constitutes a few different things when you think about it. Now, I know I’m somewhat young but, as I understand it, that means spending quality time with your partner, listening to her, understanding her, being sensitive to her, communicating with her, and trusting her. Women and gay guys, substitute the word him.

Trust... well, there's a tough one, right?

How do you know when you can truly trust someone? Even in relationships where the two people are supposed to be "partners," a.k.a. marriage, suspicions are aroused constantly, and infidelity occurs reasonably often. No wonder more than half of the marriages in America end in divorce, when guys can't keep it in their pants, and women still go on the prowl.

And this occurs to varying degrees: everything from an innocent, flirtatious glance to affairs spanning decades (yes, frighteningly, it happens). In the April 2007 issue of Men's Health, an article stated that, depending on which study you trust, somewhere between 3.7% and 3.85% of fathers in America are raising children that they believe are theirs but, in fact, are not. There's a scary statistic. How did this happen? Their wives cheated.

Don't get me wrong, by no means do I put all the onus on women... no way. Men can be just as sleazy and underhanded as women, if not more so. The stories I've heard from friends about what guys they know have done in regard to women would blow most of your minds. The sad reality simply is, regardless of gender, people do things they shouldn't in relationships, and that makes that whole trust element a pretty challenging one to abide by at times.

Sad, but true. Damn it.

So, I suppose that brings us back to the original question: How do you know when you can truly trust someone? Even if it is your "partner?" A bit ago I was told by an ex-girlfriend that she felt as though I didn't trust her. Well, sure, it’s hard for anyone to trust their partner when those little red flags go up in your head. How many of us have had that experience at some point (or points) in our lives? And how many of us have, as I did, felt that we had sufficient reason to be a bit leery of our significant others? Sadly, I suppose feeling that your partner doesn't trust you, or feeling unsure if you can trust your partner, are normal feelings that can arise in the whole process of love.

To be entirely honest, I'm still working on figuring out what the answer to that question is. And I suspect it'll be more than just a few days or so before I nail down a succinct response to that riddle. But, in the meantime, I'm going to continue to choose to believe that it's worth it. Worth it to put yourself out there. Worth it to put in the work. And yes, also worth it to trust. And hey, who knows... one day, hopefully it'll all fall together.

Besides, my mother wants grandchildren.

“Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass…" – Desiderata

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