Making moments count — it’s the best we can do

Randi Kreiss

No one has time for anything anymore. Can’t get to the store; have to shop online. Can’t cook for the holiday; have to order in. Can’t write a thank-you note; have to send an e-mail. Can’t bake from scratch; have to buy a mix. Can’t get to the doctor; just skip it.

Time has become our most precious commodity. Especially for families in which two parents work, every commitment becomes a draw on the ever-diminishing supply of free time. Activities like holiday parties, children’s birthdays, dinners with friends and sports events become burdens rather than joys. You see parents screaming at wild-eyed kids in the supermarket as they shop for what’s supposed to be a warm and wonderful family get-together.

Remember “… to Grandmother’s house we go. … The horse knows the way to carry the sleigh …”? Nowadays, who has time to visit Grandma at her Florida condo? Skype will have to do as we decorate the tree, 1,200 miles apart.

The holiday season in particular puts normal people in a vise. But free time isn’t any more available at other times of the year. I see the stress of ever-shrinking hours in the day wearing down good will and compromising relationships.

Some people think the answer is the mythical concept of multi-tasking: looking at phone messages while reading “The Night Before Christmas” to the kiddies. The same parent who says to a child, “Pay attention when I’m talking to you,” is often checking e-mail while listening to his kid.

The only way to mitigate the stress and angst is to grab moments and prioritize our needs and desires. No matter how kerfuffled by life, each of us can take a minute to watch a cardinal or a wintering robin hop across the snow in the backyard. It counts, it really does.

We can luxuriate in a hot shower or bath for 10 minutes or make some popcorn and breathe in the olfactory memories of darkened movie houses, along with the butter and corn aromas. We can call an old friend or sit with a child for 10 uninterrupted minutes and talk about what happened that day. No excuses. We may not get away for a week in Aruba, but we all have time for moments of joy.

Prioritizing is a bit more difficult. There is no better advice than a vignette that has made its way around the Internet. It’s called “The Big Rocks,” and it bears repeating:

An expert on time management was speaking to a group of Type A folks one day. To drive home a point, he said, “OK, time for a quiz.” Then he pulled out a one-gallon, wide-mouthed mason jar and set it on a table in front of him. Next he produced about a dozen fist-sized rocks and carefully placed them, one at a time, in the jar.

When the jar was filled to the top and no more rocks would fit inside, he asked, “Is this jar really full?” Everyone in the class said, “Yes.” Then he said, “Really?” He reached under the table and pulled out a bucket of gravel. Then he dumped some gravel in and shook the jar, causing pieces of gravel to work themselves down into the spaces between the big rocks.

He smiled and asked the group, “Is the jar full?” By now the class was on to him. “Probably not,” one of them answered.

“Good!” he replied. And he reached under the table and brought out a bucket of sand. He dumped it into the jar. Once more he asked,” Is it full?”

“No!” the class shouted. Next he grabbed a pitcher of water and began pouring it in until the jar was filled to the brim. Then he asked the class, “What is the point of this illustration?” One eager student said, “The point is, no matter how full your schedule is, if you really try hard, you can always fit in some more things to do.”

“No,” said the speaker. “The truth this exercise teaches us is this: If you don’t put the big rocks in first, you’ll never get them in at all.”

He added, “Tonight when you’re reflecting on this story, ask yourself, ‘What are the big rocks in my life?’ Better get them into your jar soon.”

What haven’t you seen that you would like to see? What haven’t you done yet? What new thing should you learn this year? As the calendar turns, we have this year, this day, this moment, and there are big rocks in every garden.

Copyright © 2010 Randi Kreiss. Randi can be reached at randik3@aol.com or (516) 569-4000 ext. 304.