What's taking so long?

Q. I don’t get it, apparently. My son lives in my house, and we want to make it into a two-family for him to be legal. We have plans in for a permit, but they said we need a zoning variance, and we also had to have plans for our garage, shed, hot tub … it’s a laundry list. I spoke with a contractor who said he got his permit in two months. We’ve been waiting for almost nine months and haven’t even had a zoning meeting yet. The contractor I spoke with said he knows people. Why do I have all this aggravation and he didn’t?

A. You’ve got to get out more and get to know people, like the contractor did. Socialize, be the life of the party, walk around with a lampshade on your head. People will then adore you, just like they adore the contractor, and building codes and zoning regulations will fade away. You’ll have people at your beck and call.

I hope you don’t believe all that because, from what you described, your property has issues, lots of issues. A building department granted the permit for the neighboring property because everything was compliant, not because somebody “knew somebody.” It makes people feel important to say they know somebody, implying they took shortcuts with the process, but realistically, if you bypass the codes, which are really safety requirements, then you end up with much worse consequences, like rapid fire spread; cold, wet buildings; cracking and sinking floors, and another laundry list of aggravation that would make your current waiting time for a permit seem insignificant. You wouldn’t get a timely insurance settlement for property damage, health problems or a consequential death, either.