Lifelong Rockville Centre resident receives a retirement surprise

Fifty bereaved parents who were helped by Elaine Edden Stillwell after losing their child, gathered to honor her at a special surprise dinner at Rocco’s in East Rockaway on Aug. 22, celebrating her recent retirement from the Diocese of Rockville Centre.

On June 30, Stillwell, a lifelong resident of Rockville Centre, stepped down as bereavement coordinator for the Diocese of Rockville Centre, where as an office of one, she designed, set-up and carried out bereavement programs for all losses.

For the last 12 years she has worked closely with 134 parishes, spearheaded programs for the bereaved, offered training for support group facilitators, maintained a website listing available bereavement programs in Nassau and Suffolk counties and chaired the annual bereavement conference, in addition to working with agencies, hospitals, counselors, support groups and people of all faiths to build an extraordinary bereavement support system here on Long Island. Known for her passion and zeal, caring and sense of humor, she has been the “Voice of the Bereaved,” making sure anyone who suffered a loss had a place to turn

for help.

In August 1986, there was nothing out there to help her in her grief, after her two oldest children, 21-year-old Denis O’Connor and 19-year-old Peggy O’Connor, were killed in a car accident on the Loop Parkway. In their name, she dedicated her energies to making sure the bereaved had a place to go for comfort. Fourteen months after losing Peggy and Denis, Elaine and her husband, Joe, founded the Rockville Centre chapter of The Compassionate Friends (a national support group for bereaved parents and siblings) that meets at Molloy College.

Twenty three years later, they are still there as chapter leaders welcoming 60-70 bereaved parents each month and sending out a monthly newsletter to 300 families. Sharing what she has learned, Stillwell has traveled across the U.S., giving keynote speeches and workshops. She has also written hundreds of articles for newspapers, newsletters and national magazines, followed by two crafts books for grieving children, “Sweet Memories” and “A Forever Angel,” and one book for bereaved parents, “The Death of a Child: Reflections for Grieving Parents.”

Recognized as a national speaker, author, popular columnist of Grief Digest (a national magazine for the bereaved), NCMB Board Member, chapter leader of The Compassionate Friends of Rockville Centre, and the person who coordinated and delivered the $100,000 worth of materials donated by her network of authors and book publishers for the 500 local families who suffered a loss in the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, she has earned a reputation for building programs and directing people to them.

Even though her children have been dead over 20 years, Stillwell feels they are still making a difference in the world today as she lovingly “shares them with the world” through her writings and the programs offered in their memory, giving comfort and hope to thousands of grieving people. She says that knowing they have not been erased and that they did not die in vain makes her heart sing.

Retiring from her second career — the first was teaching elementary school for 35 years — Stillwell and her husband plan to continue as The Compassionate Friends’ chapter leaders. She still enjoys writing her column for Grief Digest and happily carries on the work for her children’s scholarship at the University of Dayton. She may work on a new book, but she definitely plans to smell the roses, and will always be there for the bereaved.

Elaine Stillwell can be contacted at estillwell@optonline.net or at

(516) 766-4682.