I hate this study. First, consider the stunning hubris of scientists who decide it’s OK to keep thousands of animals on a brutal regimen for decades. Second, even if it turns out that living on flax and acacia berries will help you live longer, why would you? In a world of pizza and the occasional ice cream birthday cake, doesn’t quality trump quantity?
Also on my no-go list is visiting Disney World, which I put in the category of majorly artificial, hyper-sensory experiences, like carnivals. Speaking of which, I will not take a Carnival Cruise — I’d rather be keel-hauled than spend a week with so many noisy, infectious children — or the Auto Train, where I might have to close my eyes while sitting for 12 hours next to a total stranger who will likely be heading to Disney World, and possibly sporting a beard.
So, no monkey diet for me. No Russian despots, no North Korean escapades, etc. It’s reassuring to know something about the coming year, even if it’s what won’t happen.Copyright © 2014 Randi Kreiss. Randi can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.