An anti-bullying message in Valley Stream

John Halligan has taken an unthinkable tragedy and made it something that others can learn from. His son, Ryan, hanged himself in October 2003 as a result of bullying and cyber bullying. Now, Halligan tours the country speaking to groups of teenagers, administrators and parents about the effect bullying has on others and ways to combat it.

Halligan gave his presentation to junior high students at three schools in the Valley Stream Central High School District, in addition to a special presentation for parents in the district, on March 8 and 9.

Jill Vogel, the district’s director of guidance, introduced Halligan before his presentation and said this was her eighth time hearing him speak. “Each time is more meaningful than the time before,” Vogel said. “I consistently learn something, hear something new and am touched anew by how John has taken such a horrible instance and turned it into an opportunity for all of us to learn from and move forward.”

Halligan’s presentation began on a personal note by sharing the story of his son’s life and then segued into tips for parents to use, including ways to recognize a child’s depression and suggestions regarding technology usage.

One point Halligan made was the importance of a “go-to adult” for a child. “I think it’s so important to check in with your kid and ask this very simple question, ‘If something went wrong and you were afraid to come to mom and dad first, who else would you go to?’” Halligan said.

Halligan mentioned how it’s crucial for kids to not be bystanders when they see bullying taking place around them. Memorial Junior High School Principal Anthony Mignella said if students have the courage to come forward when the see an act of bullying, the administration will be there to help those in need.

“What we want is for the kids to get a message,” Mignella said, “and take that message with them, and we’re trying to create, with events like this, a community of tolerance, a community of respect where the bystander really recognizes that they’re the ones who can make a difference.”

Mignella added that one could hear a pin drop while Halligan delivered his presentation to Memorial’s seventh and eighth graders. “There’s no one simple solution; sometimes you have to try different things, but we’re really here to help them, we love them, we care for them and we’re going to give consequences to the bully,” Mignella said of his student body. “Mr. Halligan’s message is very powerful. There were kids in the audience today that were crying, visibly upset.”

In Ryan’s case, cyber bullying played a major role in his depression. Halligan said that kids today are in constant communication that extends long after the school day is over, which can be detrimental if not handled properly. “With every new application, every new gadget, every new whatever has created another new opportunity for someone to hide behind a screen and text in stuff that they would never have the guts to say in person,” Halligan said, “and because of this opportunity there’s so much emotional abuse going on today among the young people it’s out of control.”

Halligan challenged the dozens of parents in attendance on March 8 to make an effort to see what their children are doing online. “We learned a lot about the things that are being shown online, on computers,” said Rosanna Gilberti whose daughter is an eighth grader at North High School. “A lot of different things you can take home and keep an eye out for with your child.”

Claire Durkin Fasciani, who also has a daughter in eighth grade at North, spoke highly of Halligan’s presentation. “He spoke as a parent,” she said, “so it rings true to me and that it’s very important to not accept that it’s OK for kids to be mean and that as parents it’s important to pay attention.”

Since Ryan’s death in 2003, Halligan has dedicated his life to fighting bullying and cyber bullying around the country. In his home state of Vermont, Halligan played a crucial role in establishing Vermont’s Bully Prevention Law in May 2004, as well as Vermont’s Suicide Prevention Law in April 2006.