Wedding vows withstand the test of time

The old cliché, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” really is true for Mary and Wayne Wagner.

An on-again, off-again couple while attending high school in Baldwin, they both went to college single, and graduated ready to exchange wedding vows with each other. Saturday will be their 52nd Valentine’s Day together as a married couple.

The Wagners, both 73, have lived in Wantagh since 1967, and raised their family in the community. They have always tried to be an example of love for their two sons, Peter, 47, and David, 37.

After graduating high school, Mary went to Colby College in Maine, and Wayne to Gettysburg College in Pennsylvania. It was the days before email, so they kept in touch by writing each other letters. During a common break during their junior year, Wayne invited Mary to see “Peyton Place” at a movie theater in the Baldwin. It rekindled their romance, and the rest is history.

Twelve days after Mary graduated college, and 20 days after Wayne received his diploma, they were married — June 22, 1963. They admitted that their parents were not thrilled with the timing, but they knew they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. And they have.

The ceremony was held at the Masonic Temple in Rockville Centre. There was dancing and food, but no alcohol, except for a champagne toast. The new Mr. and Mrs. Wagner honeymooned in Nova Scotia. Mary would spend her next few summers upstate, earning her master’s degree in education from SUNY New Paltz.

She got a job teaching in the Sachem School District, where she worked for three years before having children. Once her boys were a little older, she began substitute teaching in Wantagh.

“I really was a stay-at-home mother,” said Mary, who had a stint as co-president of the Wantagh Elementary School PTA. “You could more afford to do it in those days.”

Wayne worked in the management development program for New York Telephone, now AT&T. He also served on the Budget Advisory Committee for the Wantagh School District, and was later elected to the Board of Education, serving as a trustee for eight years. He became a Scout leader in the community, and both of his sons earned their Eagle rank, the highest honor in Boy Scouts.

“We’ve both been very involved in the community,” Wayne said, adding that community service was a value instilled in both of them by their respective parents.

They served for six years as co-presidents of Friends of the Wantagh Library and remain board members to this day. They are also actively involved with the Wantagh Preservation Society and Christ Lutheran Church. When they are not volunteering their time, they often can be found dancing.

Their common interests don’t end there. One of the reasons they chose to settle in Wantagh was because of its proximity to the beach. Their idea of romance is fairly simple: walking hand-in-hand at Jones Beach is among their most treasured times together.

Going back to that cliché, a little time apart is good for their relationship, too, they say. Wayne likes to golf, and Mary is involved with the local chapter of the Daughters of the American Revolution. “We really do a lot together, but we do have some other interests, too,” Wayne said. “It’s worked out to a very, very pleasant relationship over the years.” In fact, he added, those separate activities give them stories to tell each other.

Mary said that in order for a relationship to work, each partner needs to respect the other’s differences. But one area where it helps to be on the same page, she said, is sharing the same values, which makes it easier to raise children together.

There is no couple that agrees 100 percent of the time, and the Wagners are no exception. They have their differences, but they let nothing linger. “We get over things very quickly with each other,” Wayne said. “You don’t harp on things.”

Rarely do they plan anything special for their anniversaries. A few times they have gone on walks in Central Park. For their 50th anniversary, their children took then to The Nook for dinner, and then to Mulcahy’s to see a band. That fall, they treated themselves to a trip out west.

With their birthdays just a few weeks apart, their sons also threw them a 70th birthday party at the Wantagh Inn.

Peter, who lives in East Northport, has his own law practice. Following in his father’s footsteps, he married a girl from his hometown. David is an attorney with Goodwin Proctor and lives in Manhattan. They have given their parents four grandchildren.

Reflecting on their marriage, Mary and Wayne always think back to their vows they took on that early summer day in 1963. When Wayne was 37, he suffered a heart attack on vacation, and came home and underwent bypass surgery. In sickness and in health, they have stood by each other.

“Your vows are the most important thing to remember,” said Mary, who visited Wayne every day in the city while he was hospitalized.

Wayne said that the true test of any relationship is being able to overcome tough situations together. “You’re going to have good times. You’re going to have bad times,” he said. “Make sure you’re really ready to go through those bad times.”