Dealing with some special neighbors

Q. I put up a new stockade fence because my neighbor and his children kept using my yard. Now that there is a 6-foot fence, the kids throw baseballs, basketballs, you name it, against the fence and it is now damaged, as the pictures show. I called a building inspector who said it isn’t something he does anything about, and I am sooooo mad. What can I do about this? It just doesn’t seem right for them to treat me this way. Don’t I have rights? Do I need to sue them?

A. What you’ve described is probably the reason that kings put moats around their castles or huge walls with jagged tops around their land. Unfortunately, you don’t have a large property, relatively speaking, and probably feel like most people who live so close to the neighbors from hell. Every so often, like at least once a week, it seems, I hear a story about another property bully. There ought to be a reality show about property bullies (unless there already is).

I’ve come to the conclusion that there are parents out there who are so fearful of teaching their children about human decency because they fear the offspring just won’t make it in this cruel world, so they arm them with disrespect for others. Your bully sounds like this kind of oblivious pig, able to encroach on your yard without a thought. The fence pictures looked pretty bad, so, even though I’d love to tell you all the ways to escalate the war through extreme tactics, I have some suggestions, based on my own experiences.

First of all, lose the wood stockade fence. It just gives the neighbor kids a place to use for target practice, and even though I have served as a witness in a fence damage case, I doubt you want to spend the money on legal fees, just to have an opposing attorney bully you in the process of protecting their bully. Get a permit to put in an ugly chain-link fence instead. Even basketballs don’t deflect off chain link very well. Since there are no restrictions about colors, make sure to paint the fence extreme pink or fluorescent orange, something that glows obnoxiously at night. Then plant tall hedges in front of the fence so you don’t have to look at it.

Are you with me so far? Next, put in lower bushes facing your home, in front of the hedges — either roses, if you like flowers, or hawthorn bushes. The thorns are pretty prickly, so be careful planting them. Yes, they do hurt if you jump over the fence to get an errant basketball, so do be careful. Then you’ll be sooooo glad. Happy New Year!

©2014 Monte Leeper. Readers are encouraged to send questions to yourhousedr@aol.com, with “Herald question” in the subject line, or to Herald Homes, 2 Endo Blvd., Garden City, NY 11530, Attn: Monte Leeper, architect.