Tiger grandma takes aim at Tiger Mom

Randi Kreiss

Let’s start with a given: Today’s parents have no idea how to raise children. And if they did have an idea, they wouldn’t have time to exercise their parental prerogatives because they’re so busy working and making money.

Let’s add another given: I am not, of course, talking about my own grown children, both of whom are excellent parents. (Between you and me, I can’t talk about my kids because they read this column, and they’re my only link to my grandchildren.) I’m speaking of all the other young parents I’ve observed, and what I’ve learned by watching and taking notes on TV reality shows and reading in-depth pieces in scholarly weeklies like People magazine.

All the recent media chatter focuses on the self-described “Tiger Mom,” Amy Chua. Chua has written a book about her parenting style, placing her somewhere on the mothering spectrum between Faye Dunaway as Joan Crawford in “Mommy Dearest” and Barbara Hershey in “Black Swan.” Hershey’s character has been described as a creepy, narcissistic, borderline personality who is using her daughter to fulfill her own stifled ambitions. I believe psychosis was mentioned somewhere in there.

Chua, a Chinese-American professor at Yale, has written a memoir describing and supporting the “Chinese” way of parenting. She talks about setting high standards that allow only for excellence, about demanding endless hours of music practice and study, about forbidding play dates and other non-academic activities for her daughters. Chua once gave back a hand-made birthday card to her daughter because it wasn’t good enough. She apparently wasn’t a parent given to warbling “good job” every time her kids made a lame attempt at some task.

Chua’s book struck a resounding chord with America’s moms, who are terribly insecure about their mothering abilities. Women started thinking, Maybe this is the way to do the job: assume a take-no-prisoners attitude with the little uncivilized creatures we call children.