Longtime Rockville Centre resident Francis Stillwell dies

Francis Stillwell

Longtime Rockville Centre resident Francis Joseph Stillwell, affectionately known as “Joe,” died on Oct. 10. He was 82.

Stillwell was born in Brooklyn on Dec. 11, 1933, the third child of Catherine and Francis Stillwell. Though he faced difficulties in his early life, he never let the obstacles define him, instead using them to become a man of integrity, loyalty, kindness and compasson.

As a youngster, his family moved 28 times, forcing him to change elementary schools many times.. An easy target, being picked on as the smallest in the class, Stillwell learned to fight pretty quickly to defend himself. He got lost in the large classes in Catholic school, never learned to spell, but had beautiful handwriting to his teacher’s delight.

Luckily, he found himself in George Westinghouse Vocational High School, where he became a master carpenter, a perfectionist, and like his namesake St. Joseph, carried those skills into life and into the Navy, which he joined immediately after high school graduation in 1953, following in his brother John’s footsteps, just in time to join the ranks fighting the Korean War. Upon return, he was never thanked by others for his service, often spit on and harassed for his military duty, and was also advised to not wear his uniform in public. All that was a hard way to come home unappreciated by the protesting public, but it only made Stillwell more patriotic.

Stillwell was proud of being “Navy trained.”. He was a “spit and polish man,” neat as a pin, so proud of his uniform and country. He was always a true patriot, serving 28 years in the Navy and its reserves. Those who knew him, knew about his Honda, so easy to identify in any parking lot by the American flag that proudly flew from it. He was the first to salute and place his hand over his heart during the National Anthem or when a flag is passing by. It was part of his DNA. He always loved parades and drum and bugle corps competitions, always ready with his folding chair for local firemen St. Patrick’s and Memorial Day parade celebrations.

Along with his years in the Naval Reserves, Stillwell had a 35-year career with American Airlines as part of the Air Freight Department, retiring in 1991. At home, he was officially in charge of packing any luggage his family used, especially when his children went off to college, because he could pack them so full and so perfectly.

As his first marriage fell apart, Stillwell became an alcoholic. His future wife, Elaine, said she didn’t know him in those days, but later whenever something really got him mad, he’d proudly say, “Good thing I’m not drinking” and his family would laugh. With the help of God and Alcoholics Anonymous, Stillwell remained sober for more than 40 years. In that time as a recovering alcoholic, he reached out to help many others, especially those persons at American Airlines who needed a friend, sponsor or some strong advice. He had a convincing way of sharing his story and his struggles and his ultimate happiness, while also knowing that he was just “one drink away” from losing it all. The standing family joke was that his wife would drink for both of them.

Joe danced into Elaine’s life 38 years ago at a DSC dance. They were as different as night and day, but somehow complemented each other so beautifully to be a formidable team. It was that spirit of always being right there at your elbow, ready to do whatever you needed, day in and day out, that singled him out as so special and a keeper, Elaine said. Stillwell personified Mother Teresa’s words, “Not all of us can do great things. But we can do small things with great love.” He truly was a prayer in action.

When Stillwell’s congestive heart failure doctor told him and Elaine in May 2020 that there was nothing more he could do for him and suggested they contact Hospice to enjoy their comfort care, they did. Having a full team, Stillwell had 17 months of their devoted care, including his Aide Claudette, and assisted by his little Beagle, Lily, which enabled them to enjoy each day as the doctor suggested, “One day at a time.”

Stillwell’s life echoes the words of George Bernard Shaw, “My life belongs to the whole community and as long as I live, it is my privilege to do for it whatever I can. I want to be thoroughly used up when I die, for the harder I work, the more I live.” Through life’s ups and downs, Elaine’s Navy man, sweetheart, and “honey bunny,” all rolled up into one, reminds her, “Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.”

In lieu of flowers, the family requests donations be made in Joe’s name to Last Hope Animal Rescue, 3300 Beltagh Ave., in Wantagh, which can be reached at info@lasthopeanimalrescue.org, or (631) 425-1884. Donations can also be made to the Tunnel to Towers Foundation, which builds mortgage-free smart homes for the country’s most catastrophically injured veterans and first responders. It can be reached at info@Tunnel2Towers.org or (718) 987-1931.