Manning up
What are young men to do when they don’t have a clue about how to be a “real” man?
In our ever-changing society, confusion reigns. On one hand, they’re supposed to “man up” by “being responsible, growing up, doing the right thing.” On the other hand, machismo "manning up" tells men to: “guzzle up, grow a pair, don’t be a wuss.”
In years past, machismo behavior was accepted, even expected in one’s younger years. After all, “boys will be boys” and “men need to sow their wild oats.” But when men reached adulthood, (which was in their early 20s), they were expected to take on responsible jobs, get married, settle down. After all they were men. And men were needed to support the family.
But in today’s culture, male role models often behave badly and goofy (witness the popularity of Will Ferrell and Adam Sandler movies). And pop culture continues its fondness for out-of-control bad boys: 45-year-old Charlie Sheen being the latest poster child for this position.
Men, who needs them? In this age of self-sufficient women, where does the “man” fit in? If women don’t need them and men have no biological clock ticking, what is the rush to grow up and “be responsible?” Especially when the “right way” to do most everything (from brushing your teeth to choosing what to eat) is dictated by what women believe is “right.”
How can men be anything but confused when they’re dating and he’s supposed to pay for everything, even if she earns more than he does? Where is a man’s place when she’s more ambitious and is more highly educated than he is? (Latest statistics show that 58 percent of college graduates are women.)
What’s a man to do when she acts as though she knows better — even when traditionally male tasks? (Last week when I stopped at a service station I witnessed a woman humiliating her man for not putting enough air in her tire, though he insisted he did it right. When I sweetly asked him if he could help out this damsel in distress by putting air in my tire, he went from scowl to beaming.)
What are men to do without a viable script? One man I know is determined to never give in to any dictates of the new society. “I’ll do what I damn well want to do. No one’s going to tell me what I can eat or drink or do. I’m my own man. That’s my definition of manning up.”
Another man says it took him till age 40 to see the need for a 280-degree turn from where he was. No, that’s not a typo. He insisted there’s no 180-degree turn for him. “Even though I’m married and am a dad now, no way am I going to give up my Halo 4, my Bruce concerts or my jamming with my buddies.”
Want to read more about men who have delayed reaching the three traditional milestones of adulthood — independent living, marriage and children? Check out “Manning Up”: Has the Rise of Women Turned Men Into Boys?” written by social critic Kate Hymowitz.
©2011 Linda Saladin, Ph.D. is a psychologist and success coach who specializes in helping people enrich their lives, enhance their relationships and overcome self-defeating patterns. Contact her at lsapadin@drsapadin.com or visit her website at www.PsychWisdom.com.
