Ten big don’ts
What are your favorite “don’ts” that prevent you from doing what you need to do to be successful, happy or satisfied with yourself?
Perhaps you believe that you don’t have the time, money, energy, talent, looks, brains, confidence, motivation, know-how or willpower. Ten big don’ts! And there are many more. So, if I neglected to mention your dearest don’t, add it to the above list.
What do these don’ts stop you from doing?
“I don’t know,” shrugged Sam. “I’m confused about what I want,” whined Winona. If you, like Sam or Winona, don’t know what you want, how are you ever going to get it?
Don’t tell me you still believe in Santa Claus bringing you your heart’s desire. And, by the way, how would he know what you want if you don’t even know?
Marilyn Monroe once said, “I wasn’t the prettiest. I wasn’t the most talented. I simply wanted it more than anyone else.” Obviously there was a lot about Monroe’s life that didn’t work, but if you’re open to learning, appreciate that imperfect people in life can still have an essential quality that can serve as your guide.
If your mind automatically zooms in on why you can’t do something, here’s some advice for you:
Do what Interests you — even if there’s more pain than gain. When I first began skiing, I loved the sport — despite falling on every other turn. A natural, I was not! Black and blue bruises be damned, skiing was too much fun to give up!
Learn to Tolerate Feelings of Inadequacy. When you take on a challenge, there will be times that you will feel incredibly dumb, inadequate or simply not up to the new task. These are “tough times.” And they may create “bad days.” But they need not be a life position — unless you choose to make it so!
Quit Comparing Yourself to the Best. Sometimes people think they can’t even try an activity because they won’t be any good at it. They compare themselves to the best and fall short. No, you’re not the best. You’re not even average! You’re a rank beginner. A snow bunny. A novice. A rookie. A greenhorn. You have no business being good at what you’re doing. You’re first starting out! So, quit demeaning yourself. Quit belittling your efforts. Ignore any wisecracks. And delve into whatever it is you want to do.
Take an Action. Thinking, talking, planning, and wishing you could do something is often a good way to begin. But if you want to pursue an activity, don’t keep chatting about it. Take the plunge and do it. Thinking is not a substitute for action.
If you still find yourself stuck and can’t take a step forward, go back to the list of don’ts. Pick out the top three. Treat them as naughty children who have behaved badly. Give them time-outs. Now that they are relegated to their rooms, you are free! Take a deep breath. Enjoy the fresh air. And seize the opportunity to go and do what you’ve always wanted to do. No excuses. Do it now!
Copyright 2012
Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice who specializes in helping people build competence, enrich relationships and overcome self-defeating patterns of behavior. You can contact her at DrSapadin@aol.com or visit her website at www.psychwisdom.com
