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Initially, Barbara's husband, Peter, laughed and said, "Let's take it one baby at a time. And they did. Taking the book one step further, she experienced 19 pregnancies and raised 13 children. (She suffered four miscarriages; two infants died within their first 24 hours of life, and a son, Chris, died at age 31.)
Now, at 61, Sobey's life has been full of sweet extremes and countless blessings as she raised her brood, completed her education in nursing, taught childbirth classes and served as a La Leche League leader for the past 33 years. She has been at the forefront of women's birthing rights and a longtime proponent of extended breast-feeding. Understandably, she has been inspired by the experiences of her own life.
My first [delivery] was horrendous, Sobey said. I was in a dark room and they examined me with a flashlight. They knocked me out, and when I woke up, I was told I had a baby.
The experience was not what Sobey had hoped for. Her second delivery was marginally better, as the doctor stayed with her during labor, but hopes for a better experience were dashed when, once again, she was drugged right before the birth.
I read articles about natural childbirth, and knew that with support I could do it, she said.
When she was pregnant with her fifth child, Sobey began calling all the doctors in the telephone book. By the time she got to P, she had finally found a doctor who agreed to let her go through labor and childbirth without anesthesia. When daughter Lisa was born in 1965, she was three weeks overdue. Doctors induced labor, but it was Sobey's first natural childbirth, completely free of medication.
I did it, she said recently, beaming. I was finally a real part of the birth. I knew all along I had been missing something.
She had already begun educating herself in the subject of breast-feeding. One month before her fourth child was due, she read about a scheduled La Leche meeting and decided to attend. I thought they were crazy, Sobey said. But the meeting changed my life."
By listening to guest speakers and reading all the information she could find, Barbara determined that sustained breast-feeding was best for her children. Again she was faced with the task of finding a doctor who agreed with her, since in the early 1960s, most doctors didn't support breast-feeding beyond the first three months of life. But Sobey learned of a doctor who not only supported breast-feeding and natural childbirth, but also allowed husbands in the labor room.
I actually had the doctor write a note to the hospital staff telling them to let me breast-feed my baby right after he was born, Sobey recalled. After 12 hours, they finally brought me the baby, but told me that if I put it to my breast to feed, they would take the baby back to the nursery. At that moment I decided my next birth would be at home.
Baby No. 7 was born at home, to the delight of the whole Sobey family. It was so exciting, said Barbara. We woke up the other five children to see.
For the first time, she felt in control and totally content. This baby was ours right away, she said. I was elated. There were no strict hospital rules, and I got to breast-feed him right away.
When that baby was a month old, Sobey became a La Leche League leader.
Her eighth child was born in 1971, a son, named Todd, who died the next day. After his death, Sobey wrote several articles on grief and was asked to speak at the Metropolitan New York Childbirth Educator's Association seminar.
She is a pillar of strength and compassion for those mothers who suffer a miscarriage or stillborn birth," said friend and co-worker Susan Brockman. Having lost two children of her own, she brings a compassion to her support that only someone having suffered the same fate can lend.
Sobey, determined to help in even more ways, took one course at a time at Nassau Community College, in pursuit of a nursing degree. I wanted to help all women, but it took me 10 years to complete a two-year program, she said with a laugh.
It's little wonder. When she began her studies, she had five children. By the time she graduated in 1978, she had nine.
I marvel at her boundless energy and amazing dedication to women and families here on Long Island, said Brockman. Barbara is a model of many things."
Sobey now stays busy as a lactation consultant at South Nassau Communities Hospital in Oceanside, and has no trouble reciting the names and ages of all her children. For the record, they are Holly, 42; son Chris, deceased; Robin, 39; Lisa, 38; Donna, 36; Scott, 33; Tim, 31; Joy, 29; Jenny, 27; Cindy, 23; Danny, 21; Sarah, 18, and Katie, 14.
My oldest daughter, Holly, has a son who's 1 year older than my youngest, Sobey said. We picked the name Katie for her because we thought 'Aunt Katie' sounded good.
Sobey is highly regarded in the community of birthing educators and advocates. Her own life and her life's work have been a testament to strong, loving, intelligent and inspirational women through the ages.
Barbara's contribution to this planet is immeasurable, said fellow childbirth educator and friend Phyllis Maloney. I remember hearing Barbara speak about watching one of her babies die in the hospital. She watched through a small window, unable to touch or hold that child. She fired me up to do my life's work as a trainer of childbirth educators. For me, she is a legend.
Sobey thinks any fuss about her life is embarrassing and says she lives a very simple life -- full of love for her children and compassion for other women. Katie, her youngest, said she is used to her mother's busy schedule, but sometimes wishes she would slow down. "Mom always takes the calls, no matter what," she said. "I think she works too much."
