by Cris Italia
Sometimes I try thinking it didn't really happen, or that I was never there. I try to imagine it as if it were a movie, but eventually that fails, and I realize how ridiculous such mental games are.
I don't have to try hard to smell the smells or envision the scenes or hear once again the horrible sounds. It was the worst few days of my life, and the images linger no matter how I try to forget them. The difference between this year and last year is just that, a year's worth of time. I've been able to mourn, reflect, mourn and reflect again.
I hear my friend Mike Marti all the time. With everything I do. It's almost as if he has become a bigger part of my life now than he was before. I knew it was going to be hard to forget someone whom I'd respected and looked up to since I was 15. Now, almost 10 years later, Mike has made me a better man -- both before and after his death.
Over the past two years I've met so many people from the Oceanside area who experienced what I did. Families that lost loved ones, residents who worked at the World Trade Center, and those who were part of the rescue and recovery efforts. Each and every one of them occupies a special place in my heart, for their courage, resiliency and support.
Writing about those men and women from our area has made me stronger -- inspired me, actually. To see what they have gone through and yet remained strong-willed and at peace with themselves has been an experience I'm glad to have had. It's made me realize that we should never let the lives of loved ones die just because they're not here, but instead carry their love for life, and use it every day.
The thoughts of friends I've lost will no doubt crowd my mind each Sept. 11. There's nothing I can do about it. Last year at this time I was still in mourning, still grieving over the tremendous loss of life. This year I'll no doubt relive the attacks, like everyone else, but the many memories I have of those friends will make this a much less sad anniversary. It's a wound that might never heal, but I've accepted that it doesn't have to. It's made me a better person, and it's a constant reminder not to stray from what's important.
I haven't decided where I'll be on Thursday. Last year I found myself visiting ground zero with Mike's family. And while I've been asked to join them this year, I keep thinking that the memories of last year's ceremony will be with me forever. This year the ceremony should be for families, and maybe I should find my own way to memorialize the deaths of my friends.
I'd like to thank the families for letting me into their homes. Thanks go to EMT Bonnie Giebfried and the former executive director of the World Trade Center, Alan Reiss, for sharing their stories with Herald readers last year. They were both truly inspirational.
And once again, I want to acknowledge those who were close to me, friends I'll forever remember. Firefighters Joe Hunter, John Giordiano and Adam Rand, Lt. John Moran, volunteer EMT Richard Pearlman, Lucy Crifasi, Jennifer Mazzotta, Dominque Pandolfo, Sean Powell and Michael Marti. You will all be forever missed.
