By:Linda Sapadin
Some people make even the simplest situations complex, thereby finding it hard to make a decision or choose a course of action. The more they think about a problem, the more complex it becomes. Overwhelmed by all the possibilities, and striving hard to make the "right" choice, they often make no choice or indulge in frequent changing of their minds.
People like this often think of themselves as having a "complex personality."
But this kind of complexity is not an asset. Rather, it is indicative of inner conflict, a paralysis of analysis and an inability to settle the mind.
Let us contrast this to a "complex personality" that truly is a gift. This type of personality has many traits that may seem to be contradictory to each other, yet, they don't result in chronic internal conflict. For example, a "complex personality" may be hard working and well disciplined, yet still be playful. A complex man has no difficulty being both aggressive and nurturing. A complex woman finds it easy to be cooperative, yet competitive.
Though all human qualities are part of our nature, most of us overdevelop one side of our personalities, leaving the opposite side underdeveloped. Even in childhood, one may begin to view oneself with certain distinct characteristics, refusing to acknowledge or appreciate our "shadow" self. For example, perhaps you view yourself as responsible, serious and conscientious. Your "shadow" self, that part of you that longs to be irresponsible, spontaneous, and impish, may hardly ever see the light of day. As time goes on, you may try hard to live up to the image that represents only a part of your true being.
A complex individual, in contrast, is likely to be both hardworking and playful, disciplined and spontaneous. Sometimes, these traits are expressed at the same time, sometimes at different times, depending on the situation. A complex personality does not bounce back and forth between two poles, trying to decide which is the "best" one. Rather he or she has the ability to move from one position to the other, as the occasion requires -- without undue stress. I sometimes liken one's ability to be comfortable with the whole spectrum of human traits to having and appreciating a wide and varied wardrobe. No matter what type of clothes you usually wear, you are also able to don other types of garments that are appropriate for the occasion -- from business wear to swim wear, from tame tones to wild colors.
If you feel you're a "complex personality," ask yourself if it's working for you or against you. If you're harboring oppositional tendencies, are indecisive and full of self-doubt, your complexity is a liability. If, in contrast, you are enriched because of your contrasting personality traits, then your complexity is a gift. Complex individuals' greatest strength is that they can experience, appreciate and integrate opposing tendencies. Thus, a competitive person can enjoy being cooperative, a smart person can acknowledge his ignorance, a social person can relish being alone, an adventurous person can give importance to safety.
Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist who specializes in individual and family therapy as well as personal coaching. Copyright 2001
