By Linda Sepadin
However, there are exceptions. Sometimes the lessons we learned as children need to be modified. Here's an example of what I mean.Most parents reproached their kids if they spoke out of turn, butted in or cut someone off before they had finished speaking. Sometimes the rebuke was gentle as in, "Wait until I finish talking; then it will be your turn." Other times, the rebuke was far less genteel.If you took to heart the "don't interrupt" lesson, it's time to learn that there are situations in which you simply must do just the opposite. There are folks in this world that cannot give up the floor, leave out a detail, put a period at the end of a sentence or leave a moment of silence for you to "get in." They are unable to differentiate monologue from dialogue, dissertation from conversation, minutiae from details.When you are involved in such a "conversation," you may initially think of yourself as being a good listener. Yet after awhile, you undoubtedly realize that you have become the captive audience for a narcissist who will drone on for as long as you allow it to happen. If you have found yourself at the mercy of people like this, it's time to acquire the skill of interrupting. Here are a few tips on how to do so: Know that in these types of situations, you not only have a right to interrupt, you have an obligation to do so. It is far better for you to speak up than to passively seethe. Interrupting is beneficial to the other person, too, as relationships deteriorate with increasing alienation. Interrupt with the person's name (people like to hear their name). Then complete your sentence. "Marge, I understand what you are saying; It's happened to me too." "John, I don't need to hear all the details of the story." Interrupt with a statement about time. "I only have another two minutes to chat." "You've been talking about this for 15 minutes now. Time to move on." Interrupt by segueing into another topic. "That's some story. But let's talk about something more upbeat now." "I hate to interrupt but I want to tell you about something that happened to me." Interrupt with honest feedback. "I get the point of the story. Enough details." "I haven't been able to get a word in edgewise. I need our conversations to be more of a two-way street." Interrupt with an ending statement. "Good seeing you. I gotta go. Talk to you later." "I'm already late for my appointment. It's time for me to say goodbye."If you have an opportunity to use any of these suggestions, let me know how they worked out for you by e-mailing me at drsapadin@aol.com.
Linda Sapadin, Ph.D., is a psychologist in private practice who specializes in helping individuals, families and couples overcome self-defeating patterns of behavior. She is the author of Master Your Fears: How to Triumph Over Your Worries and Get On With Your Life (John Wiley, 2004.) Copyright © 2005
