By SARI ZEIDLER
This was an exercise that author and special educator Rick Lavoie practiced with a group of parents, educators, administrators and various school faculty who sat in the Calhoun High School auditorium to hear him speak on Dec. 2.
Lavoie's visit was much anticipated by parents and faculty in the North Merrick School District. With a long list of media credits, including articles for The New York Times and Child Magazine as well as national TV appearances, Lavoie was brought to the district by the North Merrick Special Education PTA and the Teacher's Center in honor of Special Education Week.
"You can probably remember her house, and under hypnosis maybe even her phone number," he said, illustrating a point about the strength of childhood friendships. The audience faintly nodded in unison, some tearfully, at the recollection. The exercise was one of many sobering ways that Lavoie depicted what is potentially the greatest struggle of a developmentally disabled child: growing up unable to make friends.
His program, titled "It's So Hard To Be Your Friend," after his recently published book of the same name, centered on the social needs of developmentally disabled children and methods for helping them. His visit to the district had a powerful effect on local teachers and parents.
Helen Berbereich, mother of four children in North Merrick schools, described her oldest son Francis, 13, as "a very high-functioning, beautiful boy." The Merrick Avenue Middle School student is afflicted with auditory disabilities, a heart condition and scoliosis, among other ailments.
Berbereich said that one of Lavoie's comments, "A mother is only as happy as her unhappiest child," resonated deeply with her. "I felt he hit the nail on the head," she said. "Not that you live through your children, but you want them to do the best they can do. If they're not happy, you're not happy."
Lavoie's ability to convey the experience of parenting a special needs child will translate to approaches taken by North Merrick faculty moving forward. Barbara Wortman, assistant to the superintendent for pupil personnel services in North Merrick, said district staff gained insight into the importance of communicating with parents in a thoughtful, empathetic way. "It made a lot of teachers think twice," she said of the program, which gave educators a better perspective on what raising a special needs child is like. "You never take anything personally if a parent is angry, but you take it very seriously," Wortman said. "You have to be sensitive, caring, kind and considerate."
Lavoie recounted a number of scenarios from his experiences as a parent, educator and researcher, offering vivid descriptions of the educational and social impacts of developmental disabilities, and the importance of addressing both.
Berberiech said that one time her son hugged a high school-aged cousin in front of a group of peers at a school function, making the cousin uncomfortable. "A child with learning disabilities doesn't pick up those social nuances," she said, though she said her son likes school, adding, "I think I'm the one who struggles with it more than he does."
Wortman, a long-time fan of Lavoie, said the program as well as two additional programs with Lavoie held earlier that day offered teachers specific techniques to deal with the social aspects of learning disabilities. She noted the term "situational autopsy," a phrase that Lavoie coined to denote a method of examining a child's misbehavior step by step and developing plans for teaching more appropriate behaviors.
Wortman also said that Lavoie imparted the message that "equality and fairness are two different things. If a kid needs an extra set of class notes to level the playing field, that's what's fair. And if one kid needs glasses to see the board, that's what's fair."
Wortman said that principals of North Merrick schools will use Lavoie's articles and materials in upcoming faculty meetings, and the district is looking to add a blog to the North Merrick School District's Web site devoted to Lavoie's work and procedures.
"His message was so powerful we don't want to keep it to a one-shot deal," Wortman said.
Comments about this story? Szeidler@liherald.com or (516) 569-4000 ext. 236.
