Victims of bullies usually are targets because they lack the confidence to stand up for themselves, according to an educator who has worked with hundreds of children on anti-bullying strategies.
Mark J. Speranza, founder and head sensei of the Academy of Martial Arts in Oceanside and Lindenhurst, has been working with children for more than 35 years. Here are a few tips Speranza gives on how confidence can be instilled in a child:
Be a good listener when talking with your child. Try not to ignore your child¹s feelings. Children are more confident when they feel like they are being heard.
Pay attention to your child¹s moods. If your child is grumpy or agitated, then most likely he or she can act the same way around other children. That can increase the chance of your child falling victim to unnecessary arguments and fights with others. Factors that can affect your child¹s mood include: lack of proper sleep each night, insufficient diet and lack of exercise.
Keep your child active in extra-curricular sports and activities. Your child will make plenty of new friends and learn skills that can build confidence. Make sure the activities are healthy and are focused on character development.
The following are tips on how parents can help their children who are confronted by bullies:
Have your child practice standing tall and using a strong voice saying: "That¹s teasing. Stop it." or "Stop making fun of me. It¹s mean."
Role-play with your child by having him or her address you (the bully) by saying: "I want you to leave me alone," or "I want you to stop teasing me." Have your child practice responding to an insult with a non-defensive question: "Why would you say that?" or "Why would you want to tell me I am dumb and hurt my feelings?"
Bullies love it when their teasing upsets their victims, so help your child find a way to not let his or her tormentor get to him. Pretend they¹re invisible, walk away without looking at them, quickly look at something else and laugh, or look completely uninterested.
Teach your child how to reply to bullies by saying something like: "Wow, you are so smart because you pick on other kids." Or, "Did you think of that all on your own?"
