By Linda Sapadin, Ph. D
It's been said that we live in the age of anxiety. We are apprehensive, tense, troubled, nervous, worried and fearful. All of this in a time when most of us are living longer, healthier, richer lives. So, why all the anxiety?
Our experience of anxiety has a lot to do with how much is expected of us, how much we expect from ourselves, how quickly change occurs, how busy we are and how often we compare ourselves to others. I don't know too many people
today who often "take it easy," "chill out," "relax," "live by a 'whatever' philosophy" or "hang loose." What I hear instead is, "I'm so tense," "I'm so busy," "I've got to get this done," "I can't relax," "I'm exhausted," "I'm running around like crazy."
Anxiety is a lot of people's constant companion in one form or another. See if any of these forms of anxiety are familiar to you:
-Generalized Anxiety - Welcome to the world of everyday worry in which every occasion is an opportunity to be apprehensive. Anxious kids worry a lot about not doing well in school. They are nervous about what their friends think of them or whether they'll measure up on the playing field. Adults worry about their kids, career, health, sex life, money, security, family, friends. With generalized anxiety, worry not only comes to visit once in a while, but takes up permanent residence in your brain.
-Panic Attacks - Panic is a huge burst of anxiety that creates the sensation that you're in an emergency, life-threatening situation. With your heart pounding, mind racing, breathing labored, you may feel certain that you are having a heart attack. While some panic attacks occur spontaneously, others are triggered by specific situations, such as in crowded stores, restaurants or at parties. Frequent panic attacks usually result in people restricting themselves to safe places-such as home or places close to home, leading to a condition called agoraphobia.
-Anticipatory Anxiety - Anticipating that something bad may happen in the future is something we all do from time to time. If you suffer from anticipatory anxiety, however, worrying about what will happen becomes a way of life You worry that your headache is a brain tumor, your child will be kidnapped, your spouse will be fired. Even good times, like celebrations, vacations, holidays become magnets for worry because you focus on all the things that could go wrong.
-Phobias and Social Phobias - Phobias are specific forms of fear, such as fear of flying or being trapped in an elevator. Social phobias are particularly debilitating, for they create intense anxiety in such social interactions as meeting new people, public speaking, talking on the telephone. Phobic people tend to avoid what they fear, leading to a limited, restricted existence.
-Obsessive-Compulsive Symptoms - Obsessions are anxious, intrusive, unwanted thoughts that stick in your mind. In an effort to calm down and get rid of these thoughts, people tend to develop compulsions, which are must-do repetitive, rigid actions. Examples of compulsions are checking on whether you turned off the lights (10 times), having a compulsively neat house, or compulsively talking on the phone. Compulsive behavior tends to make people feel less anxious - for awhile.
Turning your brain off "anxiety autopilot" is not an easy thing to do. If your anxiety problem is mild, you may be able to loosen up by talking to yourself in a calming matter, saying such things as, "It'll be okay," "I don't have to be perfect", "I can turn to someone for help." It also helps to do calming activities, such as breathing exercises, yoga, meditation, listening to music and doing less, not more.
If your anxiety is severe, however, you may have trouble overcoming it unless you're in psychotherapy and/or taking appropriate medication. Many anxious people feel guilty about doing either of these, believing that it's a sign of weakness or failure. The opposite is usually the case. Only when you have the courage to seek treatment, will you be able to make changes that can help you live a more relaxed, happy, enjoyable life.
To learn more about "How to Stop Worrying and Overcome Your Fears," join me at my Sunday afternoon seminar at Hofstra University on Oct. 29nd. Or, if you are interested in "How to Care For and Nurture Successful Relationships," join me on Oct. 22th. For more information about registering for these programs, call 463-5993.
Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice who specializes in individual and family therapy as well as personal coaching.
