I am 17 and my boyfriend and I are planning to get married. We live in my parents' basement and want to make it into more of an apartment, with better appliances and a shower. The bathroom is only a two-piece right now. My father doesn't want us doing the work and has threatened my boyfriend with calling the building inspectors if he starts the work. How can my father report us if I am his daughter, living in his house? It isn't like a two-family, but we can't afford to move out and I don't think my father can get us in trouble. My boyfriend thinks that because it's my father's house, he's the one who would be in trouble. What do you think?
A.
I think that at 17, you have taken on a lot of problems and want to grow up too fast. Without much experience, you have taken big steps toward assuming big responsibilities, and although I don't know your circumstances, I only hope that you are finishing school and plan to work hard at developing skills you'll need to deal with future problems associated with adulthood. Your father has responsibilities as a homeowner, and as a parent. As a homeowner (your boyfriend is right), your father will have problems with permits for work in the home. But your father has rights that your boyfriend should be aware of. If your father does not authorize the work, your boyfriend can be arrested or ordered to leave the premises, legally. As a daughter living in the house, as a minor and as an inhabitant who is not the homeowner, your rights are limited. As a father, I think I understand that your father is frustrated by your defiance of his right as a parent to "just say no." He may be concerned for your welfare. He may have had hopes and dreams for you that don't include marrying so young or attempting to settle down, especially in his home. There are legal means to living under your parents' roof, called a mother/daughter arrangement, by which you would make a joint application to your local building department to apply for a zoning variance. Don't be afraid of the idea of a zoning variance. The procedure is set up to ensure that the home is adapted correctly so that it is safe, healthy, and protects the value of the homes around you. It prevents you and your parents from having too many cars parked around the house, while avoiding the creation of an illegal multiple-family dwelling, overloading electrical and other utilities, or compromising safety by assuring that everyone living in the house can escape in an emergency, to name just a few reasons for it. If you can, talk with your parents - and listen as well. Your need to jump into this situation has to be tempered with reason and maturity. Maybe you can come to an agreement that will satisfy everyone's needs, not just your own. Good luck!Readers are encouraged to send questions to: HERALD Homes379 Central Avenue, P.O. Box 220, Lawrence, N.Y. 11559-0220Attn: Monte Leeper, architect.
