by Cris Italia
The Press Club of Long Island presented me with a first-place award for column writing last Thursday. I didn't have much to say. I knew why I was up there. It was a column I had written about my return to ground zero. Being recognized for it was an emotional moment, but I gathered my thoughts as best I could.
"This is for my friend Mike," I said. "I think about him every day, and I know you're looking down on me right now."
Over a year and a half has passed since the events of 9/11. And although it still remains a tragic daily reminder, I try to think about the people I got to know, and not necessarily what I endured, physically and mentally, on that day and the days that followed the World Trade Center attacks.
Sitting there on Thursday, waiting for my name to be called, I thought of Mike, and before my eyes could well up with tears, I paused, took a deep breath, thought of Mike's laugh, and I smiled.
I told the room of journalists that when I wrote the column, the last thing on my mind was coming to an award ceremony. Which makes the award bittersweet. While I'm happy and proud to accept the award, part of me can't get past the fact that it's the result of my writing about a tragedy. Writing about the death of a friend, and about my personal trauma.
Journalists say that you write best about what you know. It's certainly true in this case.
The night did dredge up old feelings, of sadness and of mourning. I've been working on getting past those feelings. I still can't help thinking about Sept. 11 every day, but the burden of those feelings has lightened as the weeks and months have passed.
I have take so much from that time into my daily routine. If there was ever a time I needed motivation, all I had to do was look up at a picture of Mike. His picture hangs above my desk at work, and alongside my computer at home.
Mike would have been proud of my award. He would have dragged me out for a night on the town, given me another memorable evening. It's those times I miss, and when I realize what I would be doing if he were here, that's when I have to fight back the tears.
As I said last Thursday, I thank the Herald Community Newspapers for the chance to write, for the space I have the opportunity to fill, and for the support. I thank the press club again for the award. And I congratulate my award-winning Herald colleagues, Scott Brinton, Cindy Roth, Karen Rice and Howard Goldstein.
