He was at the top of his game in college. Lots of friends, activities and a 3.25 GPA. Though he said goodbye to his alma mater two years ago, he still has no idea how to negotiate in the adult world. Sure, he's put together a resume with help from his parents. But so what? He doesn't do anything with it. He's clearly floundering but won't accept help. "I can work it out, Dad," he claims. But can he? Being propelled from top dog in the kid world to puppy dog in the adult world has undermined his self-confidence. He wonders if he should apply to graduate school, though he has no real interest in doing so. But at least it would postpone entering the adult world, which seems so foreboding to him.Twenty-four year old Samantha, on the other hand, has had little difficulty entering the adult world job-wise. Indeed, people look at her as an example of a responsible young adult. Yet, it's in the little things that one can see that she's still a "baby adult." Wanting to do things on her own, she recently bought a "great looking" car at an "unbelievable price." It wasn't until two weeks later when the mechanic informed her that the car had been in a flood that she realized she'd been taken. "I didn't know I was supposed to check out a used car with a mechanic before buying it," she moaned. "The man who sold it to me seemed so nice."Just think of all the things (big and little) that you have learned since you've been 25 years old. Many of them may seem so obvious to you now, that you wonder how you never knew them. They may be simple household tasks, like doing the laundry or knowing what to do if your circuit breaker pops. Or learning adult interpersonal skills, like holding your own with a difficult person or returning a defective product to a store. Or being savvy about the world of work, like positioning yourself for a better job, or negotiating for a raise in salary.As bright as the young people of today are, there are still scads of things they do not know that adults have down pat. This is not their fault. They are "baby adults." Though mentors can smooth the transition, it is mostly life experiences that will guide young people into adulthood. We adults, however, should not confuse looking like an adult, talking like an adult, even acting like an adult with being an adult.Copyright 2006. Linda Sapadin, Ph.D., is a psychologist in private practice who specializes in helping individuals, families and couples overcome self-defeating patterns of behavior. She can be reached by e-mail at DrSapadin@aol.com. To read additional columns, visit www.PsychWisdom.com.
