By: Laura Lane
Ms. Gray, the Calhoun band director and former director of the Bellmore-Merrick High School District orchestra, died Jan. 10 at Franklin Hospital Medical Center in Valley Stream. The cause was lung cancer. She was 45.
The Uniondale resident joined the Bellmore-Merrick Central High School District's teaching staff in 1987. During her tenure, Ms. Gray also taught orchestra at Merrick Avenue Middle School.
"Cheryl was always a leader in the department. She always worked above and beyond," said Kate Collins, director of community relations and performing arts for the Central High School District. "We all looked to her for opinions."
Ms. Gray was clearly committed to the district's music program and to children. "She talked all the time about the kids - that was her life," said Mary Adams, Gray's mother. Adams, who was an assistant principal at Grand Avenue Middle School, said, "My daughter spent more time with those kids than she did at home. She loved them."
Calhoun Principal David Seinfeld said Ms. Gray was an inspiration to her students. "Cheryl was the type of teacher the kids responded to," Seinfeld said. "Teachers use grades, logic and fear to motivate students. Cheryl used passion and kindness."
Seinfeld said Ms. Gray refused to stop working after learning she had cancer. "She worked last year when the doctors didn't think she could," Seinfeld said. "This year she was only able to come in the first few days of school, but she continued to keep in touch with her students. She called them when they were in the classroom, speaking to them on speaker phone."
Adams said Calhoun students knew how fortunate they were to have had Ms. Gray as their teacher. They visited her often while she was in the hospital and later when she was in hospice.
Ms. Gray came to Calhoun for the last time in December. She believed it was important to say goodbye to her students, whom Seinfeld said she had shielded from the inevitability of her death. "She made it to the winter concert in December, which meant so much to the kids," Seinfeld said. "She came in a wheelchair with a tank of oxygen. Everyone gave her a standing ovation, and the kids gave her flowers."
Calhoun's nurse, Carol Levitan, was one of Ms. Gray's closest friends over the past 17 years. "Cheryl was the most giving, positive, warmest person I've ever known," Levitan said.
The band director suffered from cancer for 18 months. Levitan said Ms. Gray's endurance was a testament to the strength of her character, since people usually succumb to lung cancer within six month. "What kept Cheryl alive was her will. She just wouldn't give up," Levitan said.
Ms. Gray was the kind of educator who was in school early each day and remained long after many of her colleagues had gone home. She was an accomplished clarinet player and singer who, on her own time, provided special opportunities for her students like the clarinet choir, jazz band and flute ensemble.
Ms. Gray referred to her students as "my babies." Many of her students earned All-State and All-County music honors. Some were awarded All-Eastern status, placing them among the Eastern Seabord's best student musicians.
Sanford Sardo, Calhoun's choral director, admired Gray. "She was never sad or angry or in a bad mood even when she was sick," Sardo said, adding that the only time he saw Ms. Gray's temper rise was toward the end of her life when she was too sick to come to school. Sardo recalled, "She said to me, 'If my body would only let me get in there to teach.'"
More than 1,000 people attended Ms. Gray's wake, including many of her students and their parents. Calhoun continues to mourn Ms. Gray, as students and administrators try to imagine life without her. "She was in a lot of pain in the end, but she had such a tremendous faith in God," Levitan said. "There's a big void in my life now that's she's gone."
In addition to her mother, Mary Adams, Ms. Gray is survived by her husband, Lyndon; a brother, Gregory; two nieces, Chyna and Mariasia, and a nephew, Jonathan.
To make donations to a scholarship fund in Ms. Gray's honor, call Calhoun Principal David Seinfeld at (516) 992-1300.
