By AMANDA HOFFMANN
Some of them stop outside special-education classrooms to wave to those with intellectual disabilities, whom they call their “Best Buddies.”
“When you have a disability, you tend to become isolated because you’re only around other people with your disability,” said Penny Ellis, a special ed. teacher and a co-advisor of the school’s Best Buddies friendship club. “Best Buddies breaks through that barrier.”
Oceanside High was the first of 28 Long Island high schools and middle schools to adopt a Best Buddies program, which focuses on enhancing the lives of students with intellectual disabilities through one-to-one friendships with regular students, with the help of a nonprofit organization founded in 1989. Best Buddies friendships often have a lasting impact, enriching the lives of both the regular students and their disabled buddies.
For Arielle Froehlich, 17, a student with autism, the program — and the friendship of Cindy Aslan, 16 — has helped her connect to the world through, of all things, sewing. “What I like is sewing,” said Arielle, who recently saw her mother struggling to sew a button on a shirt and took over — thoroughly surprising her mother in the process.
“Shirts are easy and hard,” she added as Cindy nodded in agreement.
“We see so many amazing, wonderful stories about people with autism — especially now, during Autism Awareness Month — but we don't see a lot about their friendships, which is one of the most challenging things for people with autism and Asperger’s [syndrome],” said Ellis.
Part of the reason why it is especially difficult for people with autism and Asperger’s syndrome to develop friendships is their difficulty with social interaction and, in many cases, speech, Ellis explained. “It takes someone special to work with someone autistic, who might be less inclined to speak and make eye contact,” she said.
Aslan, president of the school’s Best Buddies club, said that she wasn’t deterred from striking up a friendship with Arielle, despite her disability. “Friendship is so important, and some people don’t realize not all people have it,” Cindy said. “Being a friend to someone is something a lot of people take for granted. Being a friend with Arielle I feel makes a difference.”
She knows Arielle considers her a friend, she said, even if Arielle doesn’t always verbalize her feelings. “A few weeks ago I was sick and out of school for a few days,” said Cindy. “When I came back, Arielle brought me a box of tissues because she knew I was sick and she wanted to help.”
It was one of the most touching things she’d ever experienced, she said, and helped to cement her decision to become a special education teacher. “I see how rewarding it is,” Cindy said. “This opened my eyes to how so many people with special needs are made fun of by people that don’t know them. The program has definitely changed people.”
She went on to say that over the years she has lost a few friends because they didn’t understand her Best Buddies relationships. “There have been people that can’t be a friend,” Cindy said. “It’s sad to see some people aren’t understanding, but I don’t regret picking this over that one person. This really is my life.”
Nick Peruffo, 14, whose brother Anthony, 18, has autism, said he has seen how Best Buddies has raised awareness of the disorder and fostered understanding, while creating friendships. “It brings you closer to kids that have these disabilities,” said Nick. “You get to know them really well and be close to them.”
He said that if someone gives his Best Buddies a hard time in the hallway, he’ll jump in. “I tell them, ‘These kids are my friends.’”
But mostly, Nick said, other teens are accepting of special ed. students, and include them in clubs and activities like helping to manage sports teams by keeping records and statistics.
Anthony said that managing the varsity basketball team was his favorite thing to do at school. His Best Buddy, Nicole Nagler, 17, the club’s secretary, said she went to her first meeting of the organization with some friends four years ago during her freshman year at OHS, and after that never stopped going. “You think you don’t have anything in common with these kids and they’re so different, but you realize you’re all the same,” said Nicole, who recently went to a school concert Anthony sang in. “He likes to sing his chorus songs to me,” she said. As if on cue, Anthony began singing the Phil Collins song “You’ll be in my heart.”
Best Buddies bridges a gap that school curriculum often falls short in filling, explained Lisa Schouten, program supervisor for Best Buddies New York. “Here on Long Island we can do a good job of educating our children with disabilities,” Schouten said, “but I’ve found the missing link with our programs and school options is providing the friendships that our kids need.”
Schouten said that in working with the Best Buddies chapters on Long Island, she has seen how regular and special-needs students have forged friendships outside the program that continue even after graduation. “I am continuously blown away by the beautiful hearts of these students,” she said. “It gives me hope for the future.”
Comments about this article? AHoffmann@liherald.com or (516) 569-4000 ext. 269.
