By: Elizabeth Sagarin
Locals destroy culture of meanness with kindness
One evening when Barbara Kirsh and her husband, Dave, went to dinner at a Chinese restaurant, a little boy from a neighboring table recognized the Child Abuse Prevention Service volunteer. He brought his parents over to meet the familiar person and introduced Barbara as the lady who teaches kindness.
The Kirshes of Oceanside conduct free seminars for schoolchildren on bullying, sexual harassment and child abuse. Barbara has been involved with the 19-year-old organization for four years and immediately found the work to be rewarding. So much so that after a year of volunteering, she convinced her husband to get involved.
Their lives have been defined by caring for children. The couple owned and operated a summer camp for children and adults with special needs for 20 years. Dave, until recently, was a psychologist in the Plainview/Old Bethpage school district. He held that post for 35 years. Barbara substitute taught while continuing her duties as their camp's director. After the sale of their camp, she directed another camp until 1995.
Despite being retired, the two can't help but ... help. These problems are age old, Barbara said, referring to sexual harassment. It hasn't changed. It's still about being liked, she said. We try to empower them.
Because of the recent events that have prompted states to adopt laws mandating schools to create policies and programs that address violence and the feelings that lead to violent behavior, the demand for seminars has almost doubled since last year, according to Elaine Fagan, the director of C.A.P.S.
The non-profit organization offers free programs to children, training for parents and staff development for teachers by qualified volunteers. The mission of the service is to unite the community in facilitating access to services, heightening awareness of the problems and insidious effects of child abuse, providing solutions and improving safety for children at risk.
The Kirshes know first-hand the effects abuse can have on children. We've seen very ugly things, they said. At the camp, children underwent a preliminary physical examination, and during those exams, staff members alerted them to signs of abuse. It's not socioeconomic, either; these kids came from well-off families.
Their daughter was bullied in elementary school because she was artsy. Bullying comes in many forms, they said. It can be taunting, name-calling, exclusion, threatening and other acts that intend to harm. It starts in nursery school, Barbara added.
What's important to them, and the organization they represent, is that adults try to understand the underlying problems that may be causing a child to feel angry and frustrated. The various programs offer specific steps for dealing with what Barbara calls the culture of meanness.
They are very proud to advocate and promulgate information that engenders a kinder society. I love watching them learn, Barbara said. What we're doing is trying to change the climate, heighten awareness and make bystanders feel responsible for what happens to people in their community.
To obtain information about programs, educational materials and volunteer opportunities, call (516) 621-3767, write to Child Abuse Prevention Services, P.O. Box 176, Roslyn, N.Y. 11576, or visit www.kidsafecaps.org or caps4kids@aol.com.
The annual fundraiser for the organization will be April 26 at the Long Island Marriot Hotel, Uniondale, from 11:30 a.m. to 2 p.m. Singer Judy Collins and award-winning New York Times journalist and author Nina Bernstein are special guests. Tickets are $75. Call C.A.P.S. for a reservation.
