By Scott Brinton
The words "Revenge is sweet" flashed across the screen. "Ha, ha, ha" then flowed from tiny computers, as caustic guitar riffs blared.
In the cartoon, a boy named Ryan was being cyberbullied; that is, he was made fun of in what teenagers call "hate sites." A cyberbully creates a Web site at which anyone can log on to make mean-spirited, disparaging remarks about the victim. Cyberbullies often post photos and highly personal information about their victims. They might also continually send hate e-mails to them.
The 25-year-old, nonprofit Child Abuse Prevention Services sends volunteers to Nassau County schools to talk about a range of issues, from sexual abuse to date rape. Three years ago the group began discussing cyberbullying with students. CAPS recently sent a team of volunteers to Merrick Avenue Middle School in the Bellmore-Merrick Central District to take on cyberbullying.
Susan Singer, a CAPS volunteer from Jericho who has a background in social work, began her 40-minute presentation by showing the video of Ryan, which CAPS created with input from student focus groups. Ryan tried to ignore his attackers, but he simply could not. He tried to speak with his parents, who were sympathetic, but without much knowledge of computers, they were ill-equipped to deal with this newfound form of teenage taunting. In the end, Ryan became a cyberbully himself, exacting revenge on those who had hurt him so badly. And the bullying only escalated.
"What was pushing Ryan over the edge?" Singer asked the group of MAMS eighth-graders before her.
"People making fun of him," said one boy.
"Yes," Singer said. "It was bullying at school and then bullying online. What do you think about Ryan's dad? His dad was trying to be supportive. Do you think you would tell your parents if someone was bullying you online?"
Only one hand in the group of roughly 20 students went up. One girl remarked that her parents would tell her simply to ignore cyberbullies.
Singer noted that Ryan's physical appearance changed during the video. At first he was a clean-cut boy, but he became increasingly disheveled. ³He went Œemo,¹² said one boy, meaning that he got emotional, or took the attacks against him personally. The same boy later shared that he had been a victim of cyberbullying many times.
Caryn Frange, the Merrick Avenue Middle School principal, said that cyberbullying has quickly become one of school administrators' biggest concerns. While physical and verbal abuse at the school have plummeted in recent years, she said, cyberbullying has increased. "This is the new thing, to cyberbully," Frange said.
In large part, the principal said, playground bullies become cyberbullies because they can attack other students off school grounds -- often from their bedrooms -- without having to look their victims in the eye. "This is a technologically advanced generation," Frange said. "We were not raised in the environment the way they are."
Tackling cyberbullying is increasingly taking up more and more of administrators' schedules, she said. Both she and Assistant Principal Sean Llewellyn have had to quickly educate themselves on cyberbullying, which entered the lexicon only in the past five to 10 years. It has become teenagers' weapon of choice because, Llewellyn said, "You can be anonymous" on the Internet. "You can be deceptive. It leads kids to take chances and do things they wouldn't do face to face."
Frange said that teens will tell their parents when they are being cyberbullied. But, she added, "They won't tell them until it's a threat."
That means parents have to keep close watch over their children's -- even their teenagers' -- computer use so they can catch the first signs of cyberbullying. It also requires parents to stay up to date on the latest computer innovations, which is no easy task given how rapidly the Internet is developing. And, Frange said, children and teenagers should not be allowed to keep computers with Internet access in their rooms. The computer should instead be placed in a room used commonly by the entire family. Frange said she recently bought a laptop with wireless Internet access so her 9-year-old can follow her around the house when she logs on.
Alane Fagin, the executive director of CAPS for the past 25 years, said, "The kids are one step ahead of the adults in terms of understanding the technology and using it for things it was not intended for."
Through seminars such as those recently offered at Merrick Avenue Middle School, Fagin said, her organization works to help young people understand the psychic damage they can inflict on others with hate Web sites and e-mail. And, she said, volunteers emphasize how quickly a cyberbully can become a victim. "They could be the bully, but they could just as easily be the victim," Fagin said. "It's about teaching kids internal control."
Frange said that parents shouldn't block their children's use of the Internet, including sites like MySpace. They should teach them that there are dangers in the virtual world, just as there are in the real world. Young people should never give out personal information on the Internet that could later be used against them -- like their ages, addresses and telephone numbers.
Many young people, Frange said, are aware of these rules. But, she said, they can often inadvertently endanger themselves. For instance, a student might post a viral video on the Internet. The video is of a recent soccer game in which a young person is pictured scoring a goal. The teenager is shown wearing a Merrick Avenue Middle School jersey, so a cyber predator now knows what the student looks like, that he or she plays soccer -- and where. The teen might then post a detailed personal profile of him or herself on the Web, which young people are increasingly doing. A cyberbully or stalker then has a good deal of information on the teen.
Singer said that children should tell a trustworthy adult if they feel threatened on the Internet in any way. School administrators have become experts in shutting down hate sites. Parents shouldn't be afraid to call their local schools, she said.
"It's all about education," Frange said. "You educate the kids first. It's a full-time job. In order to do it right, it's a full-time job."
Comments about this story? SBrinton@liherald.com or (516) 569-4000 ext. 203.
