Gary and Nancy were arguing over which movie to see. Finally, Nancy agreed to give in and go along with Gary's choice. Though Gary was pleased to be getting his way, his pleasure was short-lived. On the way to the theatre, Nancy was anything but pleasant. Try as she might, concealing her resentment was not her strong suit.When the movie ended, her tirade began. "You must be out of your mind, wanting to see such a violent movie. How selfish can you be making me sit through such bloodshed?"Gary didn't say anything. As Nancy's anger escalated, Gary typically shut down.Nancy continued. "You should have known I'd hate that kind of movie.""If you didn't want to go to the movie, you should've said so.""I did say so, but you wanted to go.""I did want to go. But if you said you wouldn't go, I would've dealt with it.""I can't see how you can enjoy all that blood and guts. It's sick." "It's not sick. If you don't like what I like, you think it's sick. Next time, don't agree to do something and then make me pay for it."For the next 3 hours, their silence was deafening. Such is the legacy of grudgingly given compromises.Hence, next time you agree to compromise, make sure that it is really okay with you. If it's not, you're not doing anybody a favor.Does that mean that you should give up on compromising? Or that everything should be done your way? Of course not! What it does mean is that you need to learn how to compromise graciously. Here is how you can make that happen: Say what you want but also listen with an open mind to what the other person wants.Consider the other person's wish as a viable option. Don't just judge it as ridiculous without giving it serious thought. Be open to alternatives other than your first choice. Consider second or third choices that might be okay for you.If you can't decide which alternative to choose, consider leaving the decision up to chance. Put several alternatives in a hat and let your partner blindly pick one. Think outside the box. If you can't find a movie both of you can agree on, think about how else you might spend the evening.Be open to serendipity -- discovering pleasurable things by accident. Sometimes you don't expect to enjoy something but it turns out to be great!Gracious compromises may take more time and effort than grudgingly given compromises, but what a difference the end result will be.
