By Linda Sapadin, Ph. D.
Have you ever noticed that confidence is not necessarily a sign of competence? Some folks have lots of confidence in themselves when they really shouldn't, while other folks have little confidence in themselves despite being very competent.
Many years ago when I was teaching college, I became aware of a flip-flop factor that was curious to me. Some students (mostly guys) who did quite poorly on tests were supremely confident that they had aced the exam. On the
other hand, other students (mostly women returning to college after raising a family) who did quite well on tests were consistently worried about whether or not they had failed. Perhaps this phenomenon is best explained by a quote from Darwin, who said "Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge." It's possible that one may be quite a nit-wit and blissfully unaware of it. It's also possible that a person may be quite smart yet be very unsure of himself, constantly undermining his capabilities.Let me explain how these two positions can occur.
Competence without confidence: If you start life with little self-confidence, you may continue to hold on to that belief system even after you've become quite competent. Particularly if you're a perfectionist, you will tend to focus on what you don't know or what you haven't achieved. Doing so will amplify your feelings of inadequacy and incompetence, so that no matter how many awards you receive or how many people tell you how well you are doing, you will continue to zoom in on your deficiencies.
Confidence without competence: If you go through life not knowing what you don't know, it will be real difficult for you to own up to your shortcomings and work to overcome them. Greek theatre often portrayed a character with hubris--defined as arrogant pride or overbearing confidence, whose pretentiousness would help bring about his own ruin. Self-confident people who are ineffectual may not only lack significant skills, but more importantly may not even have the insight to know that they are lacking in these skills. They continue to remain ignorant for two reasons:
1. They often don't receive honest feedback from others.
2. When feedback is unavoidable, (i.e. a poor grade, fired, didn't get the promotion), they tend to attribute the failure to external causes, (i.e. stupid teacher, poor economy, bad luck). Hence, they never develop the insight to know what mistakes they made and how to correct them. How do you know if someone is both competent and confident? Don't be fooled by the person who always has an upbeat answer or who always seems to know everything. Indeed, when asked a question, the competent and confident person will often admit that he doesn't know or he's not sure. He has no hesitation about declaring the bounds of his knowledge. This is infinitely wiser than to be adamant about something you know nothing about or to recite empty platitudes or trite remarks that are an attempt to cover up your ignorance.
Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice who specializes in individual, family therapy, personal coaching.
