By: Linda Sapadin
Thus, most parents take upon themselves the difficult challenge of trying to civilize their children. The refrain is familiar and constant:
Clean up your room.
Do your homework.
Stop stuffing yourself with junk food.
Enough with the computer!
Turn off the TV !
Hang up your coat when you come home.
Yet, despite all the disciplining, most kids don't do these things without a hassle. Sometimes they don't do them even with a hassle. Take 10-year-old Jason. Every evening before he goes to bed, he drops his underwear on the floor about a foot from the hamper where he is supposed to put them. He does this every day and every day his mom yells at him. "What's the matter with you? Can't you open the hamper and put your dirty clothes in it instead of leaving them on the floor for me to pick up?"
But he never does. Not even once. Jason's mom can't understand him. Especially since his teacher says he is such a helpful, good and agreeable student. "If he's so good at school," she says, "why does he give me such a hard time at home?"
Yet, how different are kids from adults? After years of "training", most adults are still struggling with the exact same issues as their kids. Don't believe me? Here's a simple test. In the last month, how many times has someone said to you (or have you said to yourself):
Clean up that mess on your desk.
You've got to get that paper work done.
You really should cut out the junk food and exercise more.
You're spending too much time on the computer.
You've become a real couch potato.
You never remember where you left your keys (glasses, wallet, cell phone).
Haven't we learned anything from all our childhood discipline? When are we going to get it right?
Probably never! Here's why!
Thankfully, we've all got more than one aspect to our personalities. I've no doubt that one part of you, like 10-year-old Jason at school, is quite helpful, agreeable and mature. But the other part of you, again like Jason, is the part that doesn't want to be bothered with doing stuff. This "kid" part is still very much alive despite years of discipline. It expresses itself mostly when we are tired or have had enough of working hard and being responsible. "I want to do absolutely nothing! I don't care about what needs to be done! Forget the details! Screw the diet! I want to watch TV. Yeah, even if nothing's on, I want to watch it!" (****put all the sentences from I want.....to watch it" in italics.
This kid part of us doesn't go away. Ever! In this intense, hardworking world of ours, we need leeway to veg out, pig out and zone out. No amount of discipline will take those needs away from us. Let's just try to maintain a good balance between our "mature" selves and our "kid" selves.
Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist whose specialty is individual and family therapy as well as personal coaching. Copyright 2002
