Criticizing from strength

"What's so difficult about balancing a checkbook? You must keep better track of your money!""What's your problem with cooking dinner? Put a chicken in the oven, heat up a few veggies and dinner's ready!"It's easy to criticize others from our strengths. Indeed, our ability to take care of certain tasks may be 'so natural' that we wonder why somebody else doesn't 'just do it'. The answer may seem simplistic, but the most prevalent reason why others don't do what's a simple task for you is - it's not so easy for them!Often, it's hard for us to realize this because we may not give ourselves credit for being skilled at the task. It doesn't seem like a big deal. You keep your desk neat, why can't they? You balance your checkbook, can't anyone? You know how to cook, we're not talking brain surgery here, what's the fuss?However, if such matters were difficult for you, you would have empathy for the other person. You would lament in unison as you envision the mess on your own desk. You would commiserate as you reflect on the state of your own checkbook. You would nod in agreement as you reflect on your last kitchen disaster.No matter how skilled you are in some areas, undoubtedly there are others in which you are inept. Now, as an exercise, put yourself in the other person's role, the one who is being criticized. When taken to task about your weaknesses, you would probably respond defensively, claiming you don't care about these things, or you're technologically challenged or some such excuse. You would likely resent their criticisms. But aren't they just doing to you what you have done to them? So, assuming that you're an advocate of fairness, recognize that what you do well is a strength, perhaps even a talent. Not everyone can do what you do, even though at first glance it seems to be 'so simple'.Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice who works with individuals, families and couples. Copyright © 2006