Discover your 'but'

Were you anticipating bad news? If so, you're correct. BUT sentences have two parts - one positive, the other negative. What follows the BUT is invariably the essence of the message. What precedes it is just there to soften the blow or provide an excuse.Hence, if you wish to speak more positively, here are two ways to do so:Strategy #1: Place the positive part of your statement after the BUT, since what comes after is the most important part of the message. Here's an example:"I hate working on my resume BUT I want to revise it today." "I want to revise my resume today BUT I hate working on it." Did you notice that the first sentence is more optimistic? Did you sense that the resistance is stronger in the second sentence? How you end your sentence makes a big difference! Strategy # 2: Substitute AND for BUT. The word AND highlights connection while the word BUT highlights resistance.Compare these sentences to those at the beginning of this column:"I'd love to play the guitar AND I can never find the time.""I'd love to quit my boring job AND I'm afraid I won't be able to find a better one.By shifting from BUT to AND, you ensure that the resistance does not negate the desire. In addition, giving both parts of the sentence importance practically implores you to take some action to create a resolution."I can never find the time AND yet I'd love to play the guitar. I wonder if Sunday evenings might be a good time to play.""I want to quit my boring job AND I'm afraid I won't be able to find a better one, so I'll contact a headhunter to learn what job opportunities might be available."People often are blithely unaware of how their choice of words affects them. Now that you know how the word BUT can influence you, why not make it a point to use BUT in a way that contributes to, rather than diminishes, your power.Change your language, change your life.© Copyright 2006: Linda Sapadin, Ph.D., is a psychologist in private practice who specializes in helping individuals, families and couples overcome self-defeating patterns of behavior. She can be reached by e-mail at DrSapadin@aol.com. To read additional columns, visit www.psychwisdom.com.