By Scott Brinton
"It takes a tremendous amount of energy to be the parent you want to be," noted psychologist Dr. Maryann Driscoll.
The numerous parents in the audience nodded in agreement. "Being a parent is, bar none, the hardest job you will ever have," Driscoll continued. "It's exhausting. It's fun. But it's exhausting."
Driscoll, a renowned parenting expert, served as the keynote speaker for the Merrick School District's second annual Parent University, held last Saturday at Levy-Lakeside Elementary School. The morning of one-hour workshops was intended to offer parents expert advice on a number of the most important issues they will face when raising their children, explained Merrick Superintendent Dr. Ranier Melucci.
Workshop topics included Fostering Success, Operation Safe Child, Parent Guide to the College Admissions Process, Peer Pressure and Self-Esteem, Transition from Elementary to Middle School, Research and Study Skills, and Brain Research.
Driscoll charmed participants with sage advice and parent-specific humor. She began her presentation by reminding the moms and dads that workshops such as Parent University help them to recharge their batteries. "It's important for us as parents to do what we can do to take care of ourselves," she said.
Then Driscoll dived into an issue that vexes most parents at one point or another -- yelling. "If you were raised by someone who was loud, chances are you are loud" -- and may not realize it, she said.
Yelling often arises out of stress, said Driscoll. The level of stress, however, depends on a person's perception of the stressor, she noted. Driscoll raised the example of two people stuck in traffic while headed to the Hamptons on a hot summer day. One person gets angry, yelling and honking because he's trapped in a sea of cars. The other turns on good music, relaxes and starts to sing. Both people face the same traffic jam. But one moderates his stress, while the other allows it to consume him.
Driscoll noted that parents often become overly stressed about a particular discipline problem or poor grade because they see only the immediate situation. They should instead take a step back, breathe deeply and remember that any discipline problem or poor grade is a moment in the long timeline of childhood.
Parents should continually ask themselves questions like: Do I enjoy my children most of the time? Are they well behaved most of the time? Do they get along with their siblings most of the time? Are they growing more independent?
Asking such questions allows parents to remain calm -- or at least calmer -- in stressful situations. Keeping a level head is key to good parenting. In order for children to learn, they need to feel safe, Driscoll said. Screaming at children only inhibits children's learning, because they focus not on the parent's underlying message, but on the screaming.
Driscoll also said that chronic stress affects the body in ³virtually the same way² as depression.
Finally, she noted, ³What we know about parenting is that relationship is key.² Driscoll said the top factor inhibiting teenage substance abuse is a young person¹s ³close, emotional relationship² with his or her parents.
Next week: Operation Safe Child.
Comments about this story? SBrinton@liherald.com or (516) 569-4000 ext. 203.
