By: Linda Sapadin
Certainly there is something to be said for feeling miserable from time to time. If these are your honest emotions, you need to feel them - not deny, repress, distort or suppress them. Indeed, much good energy can flow from feeling hot under the collar about wrongs that have been done to you. While sadness may be the only sincere response to losing someone or something you truly care about. And worry may very well serve the purpose of averting disaster, if you truly can do something about whatever concerns you.That said, there are times when people hold on to these negative feelings too long. They don't just feel them - they embrace them, cradle them, exaggerate them - until the feelings transform themselves into an identity. When that happens, they do not just feel angry, sad or worried, they become people with a chip on their shoulder, despair in their heart or fear in their soul. In short, their character becomes angry, sad or anxious. If you believe it's time for you to let go of emotions that have been robbing you of vital energy, here is some advice to help you find your way out of your misery. Do what
doesn't come naturally. Act in a contrary way to the way you are feeling! Here's what I mean:If someone has gotten you so ticked off and you would like nothing more than to wring his neck, you're entitled to be boiling mad - for a period of time. There's a time to have a hissy fit, blow a gasket, get bent out of shape, but then there's a time to let go, to heal, to take care of yourself. If you don't, your anger will destroy you and have little, if any, impact on the "guilty party." Do not let too much time elapse before you move from piss and vinegar to kindness and gentleness. Do not use up your energy on the one who has wronged you; instead, take that precious energy and do something nice for yourself or for someone else you love.If you are down in the dumps, dispirited, sad down to your core, it's okay to feel this way - for a period of time. However, if your sadness is transforming you into a pessimistic, depressed, joyless soul, it's time to take action. Though your heart may not be in it, push yourself to go, to do, to work, to play, to talk, anything that can get you to see the good in life and bring you peace of mind. If you are anxious, apprehensive and uneasy about an upcoming event or decision, it's okay to feel worried - for a period of time. However, if your worries are creating constant distress for you or if your comfort zone has shrunk to the size of a postage stamp, it's time to act differently from the way you feel. So, even if you are on pins and needles about taking a risk, facing a threat, making yourself vulnerable, do it anyway. Do it even as you are muttering to yourself, "I must be crazy to do this." Courage is developed by doing what you are frightened of doing. At first, it may feel counterintuitive to act contrary to the way you feel. Yet, often that is exactly what you need to do. Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist in private practice who works with individuals, couples and families. © Copyright 2002
