By Anthony Rifilato and Rachel Kalina
Miller's life was forever altered on Sept. 11, 2001, when she lost her husband, Joel, who worked on the 97th floor of One World Trade Center as a disaster recovery specialist with Marsh & McClennan.
Three years ago, a memorial to the victims of 9/11 was unveiled at the Baldwin train station. A bronze plaque, with the names of those from Baldwin who were killed in the attacks, was dedicated, and a large crowd turned out in droves to honor the memories of Alvin Bergsohn, Richard Bruehert, James Carson, Joseph J. Coppo Jr., Thomas A. Hobbs, Terrence J. Manning, Brian McAleese, Joel Miller, Edward W. Schunk and David Weiss.
It has been five years since the Sept. 11 attacks, and while life may have returned to normal for most, the repercussions of that day are still felt by many people, Miller said. She now works as a family outreach coordinator at South Nassau Communities Hospital's World Trade Center Family Center, which assists bereaved families and first responders and their families.
"It's not a day that happened five years ago," said Miller. "Nine-eleven wasn't five years ago. It continues every day - it's an ongoing story line."
That story line, Miller said, includes the ongoing debate over a memorial, an alarming number of illnesses that rescue workers and others have been dealing with since then, the war in Iraq, the release of 9/11 tapes, and so on. "All of these things are in the news all the time," Miller said.
An ongoing narrative
Baldwin resident Wilfredo Urbina became a part of that narrative when, as a firefighter with Hose 4 in Baldwin, he not only went to ground zero in the desperate days following the attacks, but re-enlisted in the National Guard and fought in Iraq with the 1st Battalion, 69th Infantry. While Urbina, who was killed in 2004, has since become a hero for his bravery, his family still remembers the young man who loved going into the city, helping others and being a volunteer fireman.
"Will loved the city," said his sister, Jeanin Urbina. "It didn't matter what part, he loved it. Nine-eleven hit him really hard."
For the Urbinas, Wilfredo's death was inconceivable five years ago. "You don't think you're going to be in a certain place, you don't think, My brother is going to be dead," Urbina said. "Right now I think it's all about the troops that are still over there. It must be very hard on the families who are still going through this."
Five years on, many people are still reeling from the tragedy. Joe DiTillio, owner of Amore Mio Pizza in Baldwin, is still haunted by the sound of the planes accelerating toward the buildings and crashing into them. DiTillio worked at his father's pizzeria on Cortland Street, near ground zero, and lost many friends that day.
"I never forget about it - I walk with it every day of my life," DiTillio said. "Every day I walk down the street, I remember the planes."
Miller said that those images have become pervasive, and that news images of the disaster can wreak havoc on loved ones. "In the course of our lives, most of us on suburban Long Island thought we'd never say, 'My husband was sitting in his office and someone decided to run a plane through the building,'" Miller said. "Each time they watch that plane, they see it. We forget that this was a mass murder. We're not used to using that word in our conversations."
Like many others, DiTillio and his father, Pat, both helped with the recovery efforts in the days following the attacks. Not long afterward, the elder DiTillio began having health problems due to his exposure to the dust and debris. Eventually he had a portion of his lung removed, and he still deals with recurring health problems, something Miller said she is seeing too often these days. Many people have been coming to the family center recently as a result.
"Some of them who were doing well knew about us, but because of health issues, they realize, Wow, what am I going to do if I get sick?" Miller said.
She added that the family center has become a haven for families and loved ones affected by the disaster. "Are we in a better place as families? Many are not," she said. "But it's always been a safe haven for families to go to, a place for people to share and be together at any given time. We have programming every day. We're a hands-on, daily programming center."
And while no public memorial service is slated in Baldwin this year, many have chosen to remember in their own way. Joe DiTillio said he goes to ground zero each year on Sept. 10, and says a prayer privately with his wife, Laura. "I say my prayers, I break down, I do my thing," he said.
Remembering what made them special
But no matter where and when people go to pay their respects, all remember what made their loved ones special. Allison Hobbs remembers her husband, Tom, as an easygoing and laid back guy. Five years after his death at the World Trade Center, Allison makes sure he is still a part of her life and that of her children.
"He was quiet and never really the center of attention," she said. "But because he wasn't the person in the middle of everything, he had a big personality also."
Hobbs said that her children, Jacquelyn, 17, Steven, 15, and David, 13, would watch Mets and Jets games with their father. The family also went to games for fun and would sometimes play golf with him. "At the beginning of football season, he liked to watch with the kids," Allison said. "He was a big trivia buff when it came to sports, and you could see he wanted to pass that on."
Another of Tom's loves was hosting gatherings and barbecues. To honor these memories, Allison built a patio where the barbecue stands and surrounded it with a garden. With her children, she planted a tree and laid down a rock with a butterfly painted by Jacqueline along with the words "Dad's Garden."
"Unfortunately for us and many others, we didn't get any remains back," Allison said. "So it's really difficult, because what I've always known is going to a cemetery. Even though his spirit is all over this house, we sometimes go to ground zero."
Now that the family has a memorial garden, they can remember Tom there when friends visit and light a candle for him.
Allison has also been converting VHS tapes of Tom into DVDs. She said it doesn't seem like Sept. 11 was five years ago, but rather yesterday. "The hurt is still strong," she said. "It was a great loss."
Miller recalled how Joel was active in the Baldwin community and was a member of the Baldwin Jewish Center, where the two met. "He was a beloved father, brother and son," she said.
On Monday, Miller will be at ground zero, helping read the names of the victims. She was scheduled to speak at a conference at Hofstra University on Sept. 5, sponsored by the college and the family center - a symposium on how the tragedy has changed our world and become a major turning point in our lives.
"Nine-eleven has become the catch phrase for everybody's point of reference," Miller said. "It's part of our vernacular now. Nine-eleven is just put in there as the benchmark."
